COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #1

Alabama Crimson Tide

Can you smell that? The tide is coming in, it's that time of the fuckin month, baby! Roll Crimson Tide, ROLL! Have another Ocean Spray, bitches! The Defending BCS National Champions are ready for a fuckin repeat! It's been a happy offseason for the friends of the program, but that's never enough for Nick "Where's My Dick" Saban. This fuckin guy is about as cool as Jeff Miranda these days! Seriously, who offers Snooki a ring, and gets turned down!?!?! Bama has a lot of juice returning this season, and it starts in the offensive backfield with Heisman Trophy winner, Mark Ingram! He doesn't give a shit that his dad was doing his best Dr. Richard Kimble impression a couple of years ago! Mark Jr. was too busy running over the best defenses in the nation! Quarterback Greg McElroy is easily the weakest link on this offensive unit, and if he didn't have WR Julio Jones to throw to on the outside, then he'd be fuckin lost out there. McElroy is the same loser that has a Joey Fatone Fathead in his fuckin dorm room! Imagine that! The Tide lost Javier Arenas and Mount Cody, but their defense is still as stout as Holly Rowe when she's on her period! Don't listen to me though, I'm the same guy that turned his fraternity house into Shawshank Prison ala Red Redding! Who wants some cigarettes?!?! $3 for friends, and $5 if I don't like you! ROLL TIDE, ROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Back-T0-Back!

Player To Watch: RB Trent Richardson, this sensational sophomore is more exciting than "Piranha 3D" in IMAX! That's saying something in my fuckin coloring book! Richardson lives his life the same way I color, outside the lines! Trent gets his chance in the spotlight this weekend with Mark Ingram out due to arthroscopic knee surgery.

Team Loser: QB Greg McElroy, this loser is about as cool as arts and crafts. He probably brings a travel mug to class, and sports a fannypack full of $2 bills!

San Jose State ventures into SEC country on Saturday to get their hineys handed to them by the Crimson Tide. This game will be so fuckin funny that I might forget to laugh!

The Game of The Year is easily October 2nd, when the 'Bama, and 85,000 will pack it in to Bryant-Denny Stadium, and host the Gators from Gainesville. 'Bama to the Bank...