Let It Rydeeeee!!!

The 2010 Ryder Cup is set to begin in just a couple of hours, so be prepared for a weekend full of hijinx on the links! Dustin "Tongue My" Johnson and Phil "Fuck Off" Mickelson are ready to face off against the pair of Lee "Where's Waldo" Westwood and Martin "Cosmo" Kaymer! Now that's what I call starting the tournament off with a bada-fuckin-bing!!! It's time to make it nestle from a buck-eighty out! Call the fuckin babysitter! Dustin Johnson has been a bad fuckin B-O-Y, because he likes to rack up the D-U-I's!!! What the fuck do I know, though? I'm just the prick across the pond sipping Bigelow amd smoking Camels out of British gals' boxes!!! Let it fuckin RYDEEEEEEEEE!!!! USA! USA! USA!!!!!

Ines Sainz Offered Playboy Cover Shoot!!!

You heard it here first, you fuckin pricks!!! The Brazilian bombshell known as Ines Sainz has been offered a substantial fuckin amount of cash to pose for PLAYBOY!!! Hey, Hugh, have another Cialis!!! Is that a #2-pencil in your pants, or are you just disgusted to see me! I guess Ines has gotten what she fuckin wanted, huh? A ton of publicity, and now a chance to bare that plump posterior of hers! I got your apple-bottom jeans right here, tuttz! Sit on my face while I enjoy a nice pop-up book, and a glass of Ruffino! Can I catch a fuckin break or what!?!?! I need my space, folks! I need to make like John fuckin Glenn and move the fuck out! I can't take it anymore! It's 11pm in Fairfield County, CT, and I can't even go to bed! I sleep on the fuckin couch for goodness sakes, and my mother just can't stop ironing!!! When is enough, enough?!?!?! What the fuck are you fuckin ironing at 11pm on a Thursday! You better have a fuckin job interview in the morning, or else that skort and my J-Crew boxers can wait until manana! Enough already!!! Next thing you know it's time to fuckin vacuum!!!! Goodness gracious, where's Aunt Jemima when you need her!!!

Loser Du Jour...

Only a trashpale like Lefag James could possibly be a repeat-Loser Du Jour-winner. This guy makes me sick to my fuckin stomach, and now he's taken it to the next level. This fuckin piece of shit fupa-face was on "Primetime" CNN last night, and did the unthinkable, he played the fuckin race-card. Is this asshole serious? Lefag is blaming most of the backlash he's absorbed on racism, and that makes me want to suck on a down fuckin powerline. I can't take the fuckin nonsense anymore! Enough is enough! Get this mothafuckin loser of my motherfuckin planet!!! The fact this jerkoff is even mentioning the "R" word is disgusting. It gives me the urge to jam my fuckin johnson in the toaster, and put it on the fuckin bagel setting! I've had it!!! Did this prick not fuckin hear Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan rip his fuckin decision, and choice to play for the Heat? I guess he tuned them out, right? They're only a couple of Hall-Of-Famers, so why pay any attention to them...It's unbelievable, it aggravates me to no fuckin end. I feel like Harrison Fuckin Ford in Air Force One, "GET OFF MY PLANE!!!" I can't wait for the NBA season to commence, because I have a feeling James is in for a rude fuckin awakening. Lefag be nimble, Lefag be quick...Lefag burnt off his fuckin prick!

Ocho-NO-NO!!!

Cincy Bengals receiver, Ochocinco, has come out with his own cereal - OchocincO's!!! If you don't appreciate this guy, then you must drink nothing but seltzer water, and you probably jerk off to Ann Taylor catalogs! Come on already! This prick is a great fuckin guy! What's a box of cereal without a charity right? Don't worry, folks, Ochocinco didn't forget to support the Feed The Children foundation! He even made sure the phone number was on the front of the box, except the number listed is a misprint. Do you pricks see where I'm going with this? Yes, folks, the number listed on the box is a phone-sex line!!!! How do you like that! Leave it to Ochocinco to say fuck feeding the kids, let's get them horny instead! What an idea! Call 1-800-HELP-FTC and you'll experience a heckuva time! Call 1-888-HELP-FTC, and you'll be making a donation. Either way, you can't lose!!! Start your day with a little fuckin sugar, and don't look back!!!

Morning Tush!

Meet Alicia, she's from the Bronx, and her twat tastes like an iced hazelnut latte. This gal is fuckin delicious in every which way, so you better be prepared when she struts around in nothing but a thong made out of capellini, with her tits hanging out. She's a hot box of rocks, and she's giving the head on my prick a fuckin concussion! Perhaps the trainer should insert the smelling-salts in her tush, this way I can get a nice whiff and wake right up!!!

Rory: "Tiger Is Nothing But A Virgin!"

Corey "The Weasel" Pavin and Colin "Full Monty" Montgomerie must arrange for Rory Mcllroy and Tiger Woods to face one another in singles starting tomorrow. The Ryder Cup is back, and it's better than ever, as the Euros and Americans are set to square off in what should be an epic weekend in Wales. Celtic Manor abounds for these pricks with sticks, but all eyes are on the youngster Rory Mcllroy, and the seasoned, horndog-veteran Tiger Woods. Earlier this week, Rory stepped up to the tee-box and proclaimed Tiger has never even gotten laid in his entire life! This is unprecedented territory for such a young and inexperienced golfer, but Rory has the talent to back it up. Tiger? He has better things to do, bigger fish to fuck and fry. Rory is just small potatoes to a professional such as Tiger, and that's why the horndog thinks he should shut his fuckin trap, before he sticks his fuckin salami in it! It's going to be a fun weekend across the pond, so get your condoms ready!

Lox? More Like Cream-Cheese Spread If You Ask Me!

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for my 3-4 record last week with my Fresh Nova Scotia Lox. I guess they aren't so fuckin fresh, huh? As a matter of fact, they were fuckin rotten! The lox had a similar aroma to Ugly Betty's vagina after she eats a full sack of White Castles, and smokes a pack of Virginia Slims! Disgusting! I'm embarrassed, and I promise to clean up my act this week. All In all, I had gone 5-2-1 in my eight picks prior to Saturday's, and I slouch at a modest 10-10-2 on the year. Quite frankly, I'm depressed and ashamed with such an average fuckin performance thusfar. I don't deserve decaf or regular! For goodness sakes I don't even deserve a pack of fuckin Swiss Miss! Nothing but Sanka for this fuckin prick! Week 5 starts tomorrow with Texas A & M taking on Sean Sutton and those pill-popping-'Pokes from Stillwater! I don't know about you fuckin pricks, but I'm putting Week 4 in my rearview...

Loser Du Jour...

Meet Tyler Wilson, a jerkoff 11-year-old from Toledo, Ohio, and a flamboyant fuckin loser! I just want to extend congratulations to the bullies that followed this little prick home from school, and broke his fuckin arm! Give yourselves a pat on your respective pricks for a job well done! This fuckin kid had it coming to him, what the fuck does he think is going to happen when he joins the cheerleading squad!?! So you know what this fuckin fairy said after the beatdown? "I'm going to keep going. I'm going to make a lifestyle out of it." WOW!!! I guess he's just telling his family he plans on being a full-time Captain Jack Sparrow ass-pirate!!! He doesn't walk the fuckin plank, he sits on it! I don't give a fuckin fettucine fuck about Tyler's bum wing, maybe next week they will break his other fuckin arm, and give him a one-way ticket to Provincetown! Look what you did you little jerk!!!

Morning Tush!

Leah is a model from Crofton, Maryland, and she is one hot dish. If that fanny doesn't get the juices flowing, then you probably eat Corn Flakes every fuckin morning. I'd like to plant my breakfast burrito deep inside Leah's omelette, and call it a fuckin love story! This gal is an asbolute fuckin smokeshow, and she rides better than Willie Shoemaker!

The Reds Are In!

The last time the Cincy Reds won the NL Central, Jay Bruce was a just a seven-year-old prick with a little babydick, but last night it was him who swung the big stick! The Cincinnati Reds are back in the Playoffs for the first time in 15 seasons! Someone get these pricks a sanitary napkin, and a gallon of Ocean Spray! I thought these losers hit nothing but menopause! Dusty Baker? Bronson Arroyo? Joey "Vertigo" Votto!?!?! Look out, National League, these pricks are fuckin moody!

Rachel Alexandra Retires...

Today is a very sad day around the horse-racing world, as Rachel Alexandra has decided to call it quits. Apparently, this filly has had enough of the bullshit, and racing isn't fun for her anymore. "I think it's time I hang up my hoofs, and become just like my races - easy," said the four-year old. Why not? How about all the money people have made off this fuckin filly! It's about time she starts cashing in on that treasure box of hers, you know, the one between her hind legs! Rachel Alexandra won 13 of her career 19 starts, and earned approximately $3.4 million. Not too shabby!!! However, not everything always runs smoothly in the horse community. Zenyatta was overheard huffing and fucking puffing about how Rachel is just a tramp, who juices up on Midol and soy-milk! "I don't know what Curlin sees in that bitch, she looks like a horse alright, she looks like Kirstie fucking Alley post Look Who's Talking! Heck, she looks like that fuckin lesbian Mike Martz," bristled Zenyatta. Incredible! Zenyatta is just like her fuckin twat, about as bitter as a grapefruit! Still, who the fuck does Curlin think he fuckin is? Mr. Fuckin Ed!?!?!?!

Breaking News: Oregon Extends Chip Kelly*

The University Of Oregon has extended Head Coach Chip Kelly through the year 2015 for a cool $20.5 million. Congrats, Chip! I'd let this Duck fan quack all over my face!!!

Thanks, Dez!

Perhaps Dez Bryant should have carried Roy "Worthless" Williams's pads back in training camp? Fuck that! I like Bryant's style, he had no problem picking up a $54,896.00 tab last night at Pappas Bros. Steakhouse down in Dallas. Good for Dez! Fuck Roy Williams, the guy is nothing short of a full-blown LOSER! I don't give a shit if the prick had a good game in Week 3, he's still a fuckin hermit crab, because he'll be curled up in his fuckin shell for the rest of the season! Bet the fuckin ranch on that, folks! Dez picked up the tab ala Sea Bass, and stuck that $55k right up Roy's loose ass! Take that, Roy! You fuckin prick! It's back to Applebees for you!

Loser Du Jour...

12,446 losers - That was the attendance at Tropicana Field last night in Trashy Tampa, FL for the Rays-Orioles game, it was the fourth-smallest crowd of the season. The Rays went into the game with a chance to clinch their second ever Playoff-birth, and this is the fuckin thanks they get! What a city full of fuckin cocksuckers, huh!?! Get a fuckin life, losers! How the fuck do you show up to fuckin Lightening games, but you don't support the best team in the American League!?!?! It's a fuckin disgrace! I don't blame Evan Longoria or David Price for ripping these trashy fucks! These guys bust their fannies for 162 games, and the fans give them this horsehit support? What the fuck else do these pricks gotta do?! The Hartford Fuckin Colonials of the UFL drew more fans a couple weeks ago!!! Gimme a fuckin break! What else are those faggots doing down there! I don't know, maybe it's me, maybe I'm a little fucked up maybe. What the fuck do I know? I'm the same fuckin guy who flips to G-String Divas when Monday Night Football is on a fuckin commercial break!

Morning Tush!

Good morning, Melissa Satta! Ms. Melissa is the girlfriend of ex-Italian striker Christian Vieri, not that we even give a shit, and she has a tremendous little rump on her. There's nothing like a short-stack of Italian pussycakes in the morning to start the day off right! Drench it in Log Cabin, and have a fuckin day!

See You in Glendale

Boise State's Remaining Schedule

Sat, Oct 2 @ New Mexico State
Sat, Oct 9 vs Toledo
Sat, Oct 16 @ San Jose State
Tue, Oct 26 vs Louisiana Tech
Sat, Nov 6 vs Hawaii
Fri, Nov 12 Idaho
Fri, Nov 19 vs Fresno State
Fri, Nov 26 @ #25 Nevada
Sat, Dec 4 vs Utah State

College football scheduling blows... Book the tickets, Boise to the National Championship.

Panic In Gay Francisco...

Mike Singletary pulled his pants down last season, and now this year his team is taking it up the ass all day long. Remember when the experts and analysts were picking the 49'ers to win the NFC West? Well that sure seems like a distant memory now, because these flamers have gotten off to a blistering 0-3 start! So much for the sexy pick, huh? The 49'ers fired offensive-coordinator Jimmy Raye this morning, so heads are already starting to roll. The only thing attractive about the 49'ers are the cheerleaders, other than that, this franchise has been an absolute joke for the past fuckin decade. They've been so fuckin funny, that I've forgotten to laugh! Maybe they should bench Alex Smith and give the job to Bob Saget! He still lives out there, right? Saget and Stamos can run the show, while Singletary flashes fags for the rest of his fuckin life! I smell 0-4 on the horizon! Like the pimp says to his hoes.....keep 'em coming! I think I rather wear a fuckin dress made entirely out of Wade Phillips than play on this fuckin team!

Carmelo: Newark Bound...

Some guys take their talents to South Beach, and others take their talents to Los Angeles, Chicago, or New York City. Carmelo Anthony? He prefers Newark, NJ. Who wouldn't want to play in the car-stealing capital of the USA? Personally, I steal cars all the fuckin time, I don't care if it's a fuckin Hyundai or Fisher-Price! If it's got a steering wheel, then it belongs to me! I don't give a fuckin fuck what anybody has to say! Carmelo going to the Nets is about as cool as sporting a fuckin chain-wallet! Who the fuck wants to play in Newark? The Nets are also getting rid of Devin Harris, so who will play point-guard? Let's not forget that Carmelo couldn't advance past the first round of the NBA Playoffs for his first five consecutive seasons. The Nuggets needed Chauncey Billups before they could finally take the next step, and the Nets will have no such player if they acquire Anthony. In essence, it will be the Brook Lopez and Carmelo Anthony show, my guess is that this program will suck more than Audrey Bitoni! Have fun watching The Simpsons together, you faggots! New Jersey Drive & The Simpsons non-fuckin-stop!!!! LOSER CITY!

Morning Tush!

The best part of waking up is Jennifer Nicole Lee's fanny planted right on your face! Sit, Jenny, sit! I better call my fuckin physician because this gal is going to give me a hard-on for the next four hours. You can take that to the fuckin bank!

Hey, Fat Albert... You Smell

Albert Haynesworth is a waste of fucking space and is officially on my nerves. Here is a quick timeline for you.

April 1, 2010- Receives a 21 million dollar signing bonus from the Washington Redskins

July 29- August 11th 2010- Fails a fucking conditioning test 11 times in a row before finally getting his overweight and smelly body across the finish line.

September 25, 2010- Tells the world he is "not a slave" and wishes he could "just hang out at Walmart."

Where do I fucking start with this pile of garbage. First, please don't ever compare yourself to a slave. You make 100 million dollars over 7 years and work 16 Sundays a year... 21 Million dollar signing bonus??? Oh yeah I forgot that part of Roots... You know, when Kunta Kinte gets the 21 million dollar bonus? I totally remember that part, it was right after he was whipped 200 times and had his achilles tendon sliced so he wouldn't run away. How about hanging out at Walmart? Wouldn't that be sweet? Who the fuck hangs out at Walmart? What do you do there? Skateboard in the fucking parking lot? Is there a skateboard in the world with the structural integrity to hold Fat Albert and his 75 pound tits? I honestly don't have these answers but I would love to know. I do know this... If I ever saw Albert Haynesworth at Walmart I would quietly sneak up behind him and hit him repeatedly in the back of the head with a fucking hatchet for being such a disgusting waste of human life. From me to you Fat Albert... Go fuck yourself and gimme your wallet ya prick!!!

Tommy Nailed Them

UCLA pulls off a 34-12 thrashing of Texas just a few hours after Tommy Shots told you the Horns would be looking ahead to the Sooners... Thank you very little. Please don't fuck with the Pac-10, it can be dangerous!

Saturday Pricks of the Week

Okay, Tommy Shots wins and he wins everyday and every week. Here they are folks, stay hot... And more importantly stay horny. The prick is in bold.



UCLA @ Texas Line is Texas by 15.5. ************** BEST BET

We will take the improved Bruins and the 15.5 points. I assume Texas is looking ahead to the Red River Shootout with Oklahoma next week.

USC vs Washington State Line is USC by 22.5
Please, SC covers easily... Lane Kiffin pushed last week but still owes me lots of money. HUGE day for Matt Barkley.

Stanford @ Notre Dame Line is Stanford by 4.5

Jim Harbaugh probably sits around his hotel room and watches Hannah Montana... His team picks up on his weakness and the flaming faggots from Palo Alto stumble in South Bend.

California @ Arizona Line is Arizona by 6.

No let down, just Bear Down, I am a big believer in the AZ and I say Arizona wins this in a walk... Those WR's they have on the roster are just fucking NASTY!!! Not to mention Arizona leads the world in sluts per student on campus.

Oregon State @ Boise State Line is Boise by 18.5

Blue Fucking Turf!!! I still want to play on some blue turf, any willing ladies? I will buy the hair coloring.

Fresh Nova Scotia Saturday CFB LOX - 9/25/10!!!

Good morning, folks, I hope you brought your fuckin appetite today! I'm more hungry and horny than Fat Fuckin Bastard! It's a big Saturday in the world of college football, so prepare for a day full of Silver Bullets and Green Grass! Prepare for some midday hookers! Prepare to get fuckin blown away worse than Tommy Lee Jones! Uncle PMAC is 5-2-1 in his last eight picks, and we're only going up from here, baby! We're on a fuckin escalator to the biggest bank in the world, the PIGGY BANK!!! Fuck the plain bagels today! Seriously, lube up your Premio with some margarine, and slam it in! I just bought a fresh fuckin batch of onion bagels, because the bookies will be crying all the way home following this fuckin week! Get the red onion, find the capers, grab the spread, and let's go to town ala Ben Affleck on these mothafuckin, cocksuckin, FRESH NOVA SCOTIA LOX!!!

Saturday 9/25/10

Virginia Tech (-4) @ BOSTON COLLEGE. The Prick Is Virginia Tech!

PENN STATE Vs. Temple (+14). The Prick Is Temple!

ARKANSAS Vs. Alabama (-7). The Prick Is Alabama!

South Carolina (+3) @ AUBURN. The Prick Is South Carolina!

Georgia @ MISSISSIPPI STATE (PK). The Prick Is Georgia!* (Best Bet)

Fresno State (+2.5) @ MISSISSIPPI. The Prick Is Fresno State!

Oregon (-11.5) @ ARIZONA STATE. The Prick Is Arizona State!

Let The Games Begin! JUICE!!!

Where's Verne!?!?

Good morning on a College Fuckin Football Saturday, folks! I'd like to introduce a new segment to the blog, which will be dedicated solely to following the weekly travels of CBS's Verne "No Neck" Lundquist. During the fall, Verne and his partner Gary Danielson scour SEC campuses for the finest and freshest college shellfish around. So where's Verne this week? Fayetteville, Arkansas, as him and Gary will be calling the SEC Game of the Week at 3:30 eastern, between the Razorbacks and Alabama Crimson Tide. Lundquist lives and dies for Saturdays in the south, but he also has a weakness for snacks and pussy. Who fuckin doesn't, Verne?!?!?! Go ahead and dip your fuckin triscuit in some wet twat this weekend! Show Fayetteville who the real fuckin horny hog is! Go get 'em, Verne!

Winner, Winner, Clam Dinner

TCU wins, SMU covers... Everyone's happy. Now wait up gorgeous, I got a prick I gotta hide!!!

Morning Tush!

You can't go wrong with the sexy and sultry Bar Refaeli. That Danny Archer is one lucky prick!

Loser Du Jour...

The asshole pictured above is quite honestly the biggest fuckin loser on the face of the earth. His name? Fireman "I'm A Fuckin Fraud" Ed. The funny thing is that this fuckin prick was originally a Miami Dolphins fan, but now he waves his fuckin pom-poms around as the leader of all Jets Nation! Well it was only a matter of time before this cocksucker got himself into hot water, because he's now being charged with assault stemming from a preseason scuffle at the new Meadowlands. Preseason!!! Tone it down you fuckin loser! Talk about a guy who feels the need to play hero every day! This jerkoff belongs in fuckin romper-room, stick him over in the corner for timeout, and don't fuckin check on him for the next couple of decades! If I ever catch this fuckin wrench out in public, then I'm gonna punch is face inside-out like Eve 6, and jam that fireman helmet right up his fat fuckin ass! Now SIT!

It's A Motherfuckin' Football Friday!!!

Make it sit! Make it nestle! Make it fuckin spin!!! It's another fuckin Football Friday at PricksRus! Get ready for a lot of fuckin juice today, folks! Headlines, NFL Picks, CFB Pricks Of The Week, & the delicious Fresh Nova Scotia Lox!!!! I thought I told you cocksuckers I like my orange juice with some pulp!!!

You Heard It Here First!!!

It's All About The...

PAC 10 TITLE GAME IN VEGAS?

The Pac-10 Conference announced today they are considering Las Vegas for their title game following the addition of Utah and Colorado. This is a great fucking idea. Rick Neuheisel? Dennis Erickson? Lane Kiffin? The Oregon players who have been arrested an amazing 19 times since the end of the 2009 season? Pac-10 football is a perfect fit for Las Vegas... This Prick would be in attendance I can tell you that much... Viva Las Vegas!!! Viva USC songsluts dressed like showgirls!!!

Thursday Night College Football Juice!

The Miami Hurricanes pay a visit to Pittsburgh tonight, so that means they'll be forced to say hello to their old friend Dave "Dickless" Wannstedt! Is there a coach in the fuckin world worse than this loser? I rather have Pat "The Dyke" Summitt as my fuckin football coach! I rather go to the dentist and take the novocaine shot right in my prick, than suit up for this cocksuckin jagoff! Call me fuckin Numb-Nuts!

The Prick Tonight Is Miami (-3.5)!