The third major awaits the PGA Tour season this week across the pond in the beautiful land of Scotland, the birthplace of golf and scotch. Many golfers are hoping to raise the Claret Jug as they embark on a four day journey within one of the most famous tracks in the entire world. Yes, folks, it's time for the British Open! The tournament will be played at the majestic St. Andrews this year, and just the thought of links golf is causing me to pitch a tent in my pants. It's unbelievable! It's like I should see my fuckin physician because I'm getting horny over golf! Who do I think I am, Lawrence Taylor?!?! Oh my goodness fuckin gracious it's that time of summer again, pricks! I'll be up at 4am tomorrow making my famous Goldschlager flapjacks with some nice syrup straight outta Aunt Jemima's twat! Mmmmmm, that sounds delicious! Maybe I'll fry up a nice John Daly omelette to honor his 1995 British Open triumph! Or maybe I'll just starve myself to honor Jean van de Velde's 1999 performance at Carnoustie! Who could ever forget that epic meltdown! Even Mel Gibson was blushing after seeing that fuckin blowup! The defending champion Stewart "I Piss In The" Cink will be there tomorrow, and so will Tom Watson, who gave us thrills at Turnberry a year ago as well. So PricksRus would like to fill our fuckin mugs with the finest McEwan's Scotch Ale, and get this fuckin party started! Call up the clams! Call up Lindsay Lohan! Let's hit some fuckin balls out of bunkers that are deeper than Gabourey Sidibe's hairy belly button! It's time for the British Open!!!
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