Tommy Shots is in Seattle and fitting in about as well as Forrest Gump at a Black Panthers party. How in the world do all of these degenerates decide to congregate in otherwise beautiful west coast cities? I was at the airport today waiting at the rental car desk and a real beauty walked past me wearing a leather old school football helmet. Imagine that... Waking up in the morning and racking the Mariners cap in favor of the 1931 Notre Dame helmet, just fucking disgraceful. The hippies better pray to their God or Buddha or whatever the fuck they believe in that I never become President, because I will Code Red every single one of their sorry asses. As for the female component of this hippie movement... Put a bunch of Oysters, belly button lint, mayonnaise, and used condoms in the microwave for about 3 minutes and then let it sit on your counter for 7 days... After it ferments, cover it in animal hair and start licking... Now you will know what oral sex with one of these girls is like. The trip is over tomorrow, I will catch you all on the flip side!
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