Jiggle-Joint Jerks In The Bronx!

Sin City Cabaret happens to be one of my favorite spots to visit after Yankees games, but I'm a little disappointed in the news I heard this morning that the management was stiffing (pun intended) the waitresses in tips, and also in the fashion of groping. What do these fuckin clams expect? They prance around in barely anything, and think they won't get the occassional tush-grab? They ought to be thanking management they are employed during this recession, not tattle-tailing to law enforcement. Either way, if you're ever at a Yankees game, then save your ticket stub, and head over to Sin City upon completion of the contest. You won't be disappointed. I promise!

Lucky LunchBox!

Meet the luscious Sofia Vergara today at your local deli, and you'll get a free can of soda with your tuna melt on pita bread. Every time I run into Sofia I point to my nose, and tell her, "this seats not taken!" What a gorgeous tush this gal has, the kind you like to lower your ladle into, and come up with a hearty helping of wholebelly clams. Book IT!

Darryl Strawberry Opens Up Queens,NY Eatery!

Darrylllllllllllllllllll - Darrylllllllllllllllll - Darrylllllllllllllllll!!! The Strawman is black, er, back! Darryl Strawberry has opened up a restaurant in Douglaston, Queens, and he plans on serving up the best drugs, along with the best cuisine! What an idea!!! A few items on the menu really jumped out at me, such as the Deep-Fried Twinkies with Cocaine Ice cream & Strawberry Sauce! Mmmmmm mmmmm good! Or maybe we're not in the mood for dessert, and we're horny for some seafood instead, right? In that case, I highly recommend the Crawfish and Xanex-Cheddar Hush Puppies! Those are fantastic! However, when I strut into Strawberry's Sports Grill, I usually order my favorite dish, the 16-oz. Grilled Rib Eye Steak w/Fries & Creamed Marijuana. Delicious! What a meal! All in all, Strawberry's Sports Grill is a great place to bring your kids for some pure, unadulterated smut! Some real filth! This will be a fine establishment for many years to come, and that's why I give it TWO PRICKS UP!

Steady Eddy!

A Chicago judge has issued an arrest warrant for the useless Eddy Curry. Curry has been to ask his limo driver to jerk him off, but this new allegation is another low blow (no pun intended) to the fat center. Worthless Eddy owes $660k, stemming from a settlement that was reached back in 2001 after Curry was arrested for banging and 14-year old broad. Curry is already in a ton of debt, and has barely even paid $200k of this settlement. This is unbelievable for a guy who makes $10.5 Million a year. I rather slam my fuckin prick in peach pudding, and rinse it off with 151, then spend one second with this Creepy Curry alone.

Strasburg To The DL - No Shocker Here...

The phenom known as Steven Strasburg has been placed on the 15-Day DL with shoulder inflammation? Please...More like twat inflammation if you ask me! Anybody that didn't anticipate this prick getting injured must not know shit about baseball, because this kid was a fatso back in high school, and he never got laid. Not even by himself! It wouldn't surprise me if Strasburg started doing some house-hunting with his pal Mark Prior, rumor has it they are more hot and heavy than Lance Bass and Lorenzo Martone these days. The Nats might not admit it, but they have to be nervous about this kid right now because it doesn't look good, and I'm usually an extremely optimistic prick. In the meantime, Strasburg can SIT!

Mount Cody Is Ready For Training Camp!

I just hope Terrance Cody, and the Baltimore Ravens are flying Southwest Airlines this year. Look at this guy! I'm speechless. This guy is a physcial specimen, even though he probably hasn't seen his prick in 20 years. Sit, Mount Cody! Sit!

Quote Of The Day...

"Some unfortunate things happened. She opened up my pants." - Table-Top-Tushy man, and Head Coach of the University of Louisville Men's Basketball Team, Rick Pitino.

Oswalt Heading To The NL East! Breaking News!!!

Multiple orgasms are reporting that Roy Oswalt will approve a trade to the Phillies, and thrust himself right into a pennant race. This trade is positive for both parties involved, and I look forward to seeing how Oswalt likes his cheesesteak. Does he like it wiz-wit? Or wiz-witout? Maybe he just likes to shove hoagies up his tuccus, I don't fuckin know. I don't hold his hand when he crosses the street, who the fuck am I? I'm just a prick who likes his women the way he likes his horses - FAST.

Morning Tush...

Look at this piece of primetime fanny we have this morning. Adriana Lima is an absolute fuckin 10, no bones about it (no pun intended). She thinks decaf is for pussies, and she never eats salad, she only tosses it. Lima despises omelettes at breakfast as she prefers to go the eggs overeasy route, along with some crisp bacon, and rye toast on the darker side. That's why it's called toast, and not warm bread. That's why I hit the tanning salon on 1/2 off Thursdays instead of waiting until fuckface Fridays! Who the fuck am I? Rockefeller? Fuhhhhggggeeeddddabbooouttttittttttttttttt!!!

Lifelong Loser!

Jhonny Peralta was traded by the Cleveland Indians yesterday to the Detroit Tigers. Apparently, the Indians want nothing to do with this creep, who uses the letter 'h' after the 'J' in his first name. Jhonny's parents spelled his name wrong on the birth certificate, hence the ridiculous 'h' after the 'J'. What the fuck were these idiots thinking? They couldn't possibly be that dumb, or could they? I know I wouldn't bet against it, but what do I know, right? Jhonny likes his parents the same way he likes his potatoes - BAKED!

MLB Tradwinds...

According to multiple sources, the Astros and Phillies have a deal in place that would send the Mississippi native, Roy Oswalt, to the City of Brotherly Love. Reports are stating Oswalt would prefer to be traded to the Rangers or Cardinals, but terms can't be reached with those clubs. The addition of Oswalt could give the Phillies the best 1-2 rotation-punch in Major League Baseball, to go along with Harry Leroy Halladay. This deal has been agreed upon, and now it's all up to Oswalt to waive his no-trade clause and join a contender, or to be a pussy and stay on a team that's going nowhere. Either way, we're about to see who the real Roy Oswalt is. The feeling in my prick, is that it's only a matter of moments before we have the "Roy & Roy Show."

Jersey Shore Returns!

They're backkkkkk! The Jersey Shore Season 2 Premier is tonight! Get ready, losers! Hey, Snooki, sit on this! You upstate loser!

Iron Mike Knows Best...

Who doesn't like Mike Tyson? Who doesn't immediately drop everything they are doing at that particular moment when this monster comes on the television screen, or gets his name spoken on the radio? I recently ran into Mike the other day at Uno's Happy Hour, and this brief confrontation ensued:

Iron Mike: "Is your name PMAC? You're a fuckin pussy!"

PMAC: "Well, Mike, I am what I eat!"

Iron Mike: "That's funny! You're that loser from PricksRus right?"

PMAC: "Funny? Funny how, Mike? Funny like I'm a clown? Like I'm here to fucking amuse you?"

Iron Mike: "Haha, no, like the way you tell a story, like your joke. It was funny."

PMAC: "No, no, I don't know. You said it. How the fuck am I so funny!?! What the FUCK is so fuckin funny about me?!"

Iron Mike: "Get lost, before I rip your heart out and dip it in this guacomole."

PMAC: "Sionara!"

Loser Du Jour...

I think I rather tie a concrete cinder block to all three of my legs, than listen to a fuckin word that Small Mac has to say. McGwire needs to shut the fuck up, and understand that as long as he's involved in the game, he has a fuckin obligation to speak to the media, and answer their questions. He chose to come back to the game, and if he gets questioned about steroids, then he needs to provide some fuckin responses, not give the silent treatment. Maybe Small Mac should dunk his shriveled johnson in a bottle of Poland Spring, and then find the nearest light socket to give himself a good jolt! Want some zap??? What a piece of trash this guy is, huh? I wish he was a wishing well, this way I could fuckin tie a bucket to him, and sink his ass! Later, jagoff! In the words of Andre "Hall-Of-Fame Hawk" Dawson, "Love the game, and the game will love you back."

Diego Out As Argentina Head Coach!

Don't ask me fuckin why, but Argentina has decided not to renew Diego Maradona's contract to coach their national team. Maradona is an original prick, and this is sad news for everyone involved. His colorful personality, and tremendous character embodies everything pure. He was as talented as they came, and it's a shame this 3rd world country is so clueless. I bet people in Argentina probably liked "Speed 2: Cruise Control," more than the original "Speed." LOSERS!

Morning Tush...

Who's more horny than Katy Perry these days? The answer is me, but she's a close a second place. Personally, I love the way Katy carries herself, and I think her favorite airline must be Southwest because those BAGS FLY FREE!!!

The Break-Up?

Rumors are swirling that Jay-Z is upset LeFag James didn't at least consult him on his final decision to join the Miami Heat, and that their relationship might be on ice. Apparently Lefag was ignoring Hova's phone calls, and everything! Who does this guy think he is? Sir Walter Raleigh? It's honestly amazing how big of a group of fuckin losers these three faggots have turned out to be. Lefag James is about as cool as a fuckin turtleneck.

CP3 To The NY Liberty?

Tradewinds are swirling from the Big Easy to the Big Apple in regards to the future of New Orleans Hornets PG Chris Paul. New Hornets GM Dell Demps is looking to make an unprecedented deal with the NY Liberty of the WNBA! History is in the making, folks! The Hornets have their eyes set on Teresa Weatherspoon to be their new floor general of the future, and any deal including her, would have to include the diva, Chris Paul in return. Apparently, Paul has a bigger clit than Serena Williams, and this would enable him to pass his physical upon arrival in New York. Stay tuned for more breaking news!

Iced Latte Break!

Brande Roderick likes to drop her cameltoe as a straw/anchor into her medium iced hazelnut latte to stir it up a little bit, and that's fine by us. Do what you gotta do, Brande, just promise me you'll stay horny.

Lane "Fucko" Kiffin

The Tennessee Titans have filed a lawsuit against the shit-for-brains Lane Kiffin, head coach of the Southern Cal Trojans. Lane and company lured away the Titan's assistant runningbacks coach, Kennedy Pola. Is this fuckin guy serious? Why is Lane constantly getting new jobs, and constantly prick-deep in controversy? Get a fuckin clue, Lane! Put your pop-up books away, and learn the ethical rules of coaching. It's unbelievable that this guy has a fuckin job, he's a MEGA-LOSER.

NFL Rumor: The NY Jets To Talk To T.O.

The hot rumor this morning is that the NY Jets have reached out to Terrell Owens. Could you imagine this locker room? Owens, Santonio Holmes, Antonio Cromartie, Braylon Edwards, and Ladanian Tomlinson! Those are some very unique personalities, and that's not even including the fat fuck coach, Rex Ryan. Do I think this would be a good move by the Jets? No. I think Terrell Owens is washed up, and I think he'd hurt the development of Mark Sanchez. Do I want the Jets to sign him? Ha, is today fuckin Tuesday? The current frontrunners to sign this loser are the Jets and Cincy Bengals.

Seattle's Worst

Tommy Shots is in Seattle and fitting in about as well as Forrest Gump at a Black Panthers party. How in the world do all of these degenerates decide to congregate in otherwise beautiful west coast cities? I was at the airport today waiting at the rental car desk and a real beauty walked past me wearing a leather old school football helmet. Imagine that... Waking up in the morning and racking the Mariners cap in favor of the 1931 Notre Dame helmet, just fucking disgraceful. The hippies better pray to their God or Buddha or whatever the fuck they believe in that I never become President, because I will Code Red every single one of their sorry asses. As for the female component of this hippie movement... Put a bunch of Oysters, belly button lint, mayonnaise, and used condoms in the microwave for about 3 minutes and then let it sit on your counter for 7 days... After it ferments, cover it in animal hair and start licking... Now you will know what oral sex with one of these girls is like. The trip is over tomorrow, I will catch you all on the flip side!

Make 'Em Sit!

Tampa Bay's Matt Garza hurled the organization's first ever No-Hitter tonight at Tropicana Field, and he did it in style by retiring the minimum 27 batters thanks to a double-play in the early innings of the game. Garza is the kind of guy PricksRus admires, because he's an absolute hothead, who doesn't give a shit about what anyone else thinks. There's no question Matthew is heading over to Mons Venus for a little celebrating! MAKE 'EM SIT, GARZA! Make those gals sit on your face! You deserve it! Clams on the halfshell for everyone! Zimas all around!

Loser Du Jour...

This award has to go to the Kansas City Royals entire organization after the absolute fucking thumping they took from the Minnesota Twins tonight. The Twinkies crossed the dish 19 times, en route to a 19-1 victory over the hapless serfs from Kansas City. Unbelievable. If I'm a player on the Royals tonight, then I'm hiding in a dumpster, and hoping it gets picked up. These guys probably can't sit down tonight their fannies are so fuckin red.

Twins!

Actress Cameron Diaz & ESPN hottie, Michelle Beadle! Book IT!

Gimme A Fuckin Break Roy!

Someone needs to tell Dallas Cowboys WR Roy "I SUCK" Williams to shut his fuckin mouth before I stick my elbow down his throat. Could this guy be any fuckin worse? I rather have a fuckin pool party with Jared Fogle pre-Subway, than carry this guy's fuckin equipment. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for respecting the veterans, but not a faggot like Roy Williams. Who does he think he is? If anything, Roy Williams ought to be wiping Dez Bryant's fanny after every time he pinches a fuckin loaf! Bryant is an absolute monster threat, and he'll be the prick lining up alongside Miles "Kardashian" Austin, not good ole' Roy-boy. Williams went on to say that maybe he'll just order a ton of food when he's out to dinner with Bryant, and that Bryant will obviously have to pick up the tab! Again, I understand there is rookie hazing, and these traditions have been part of sports since Moses wore short pants, but not with Roy fuckin Williams!!! Perhaps Roy should be more concerned with putting in extra work with Tony Romo, or studying film, or working on his routes, or hitting the weight room! Nope, not Roy, this fuckin creep is more focused on not having to pay for dinner or carry his fuckin pads. Get lost, loser.

Iced Latte Break!

The sexy and sultry Mila Kunis could make me pitch a tent through a fuckin athletic supporter these days. Mila pulls no punches when it comes to getting down and dirty in the cul de sac.

Happy 30th!

PricksRus would just like to take a quick timeout to honor the great fuckin flick, "Caddyshack," as it celebrates it's 30th anniversary. The film has provided us with many laughs and lines throughout the years, and it deserves to be acknowledged. If you don't fuckin think so, then you can go grab your fuckin skateboard, and ollie off the George Washington Bridge.

Weekend Chowder

Tara Reid... I love trashy girls and Tara is no exception. Have any of the readers noticed most girls named Tara use their undies to keep their ankles warm instead of their Hoo-Ha? I have. I would never name my daughter Tara... Has there ever been a Queen Tara? Princess Tara? First lady Tara? Dr. Tara? Didn't think so. Well my perfect date with this Tara would probably start something like this:

Tommy Shots: It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.
Tara: What? I am scared
Tommy Shots: Come here Tara.

Oh well, I can dream too...

WEEKEND!

Alright fans... I don't know what you have planned, but my weekend looks swell.  Here is a little preview of tonight, I have my eyepatch ready and everything.

Tiger Still Top Horndog!

Tiger Woods might have lost $22 Million in endorsements because of how horny he is, but that didn't keep him from still blowing away (no pun intended) the competition when it comes to the top-grossing athletes of 2009. Imagine that! Tiger drops tons of dough on sluts, loses tons of dough in endorsements, yet he still runs all the way to the piggy bank with his pants down, and Benjamin Franklin's falling from his fanny. Fellow PGA golfer, Phil Prickelson, came in a distant second place, as he only brought in a paltry $61.6 Million. Lefty's good-guy image isn't what we preach here at PricksRus, to say the least. Floyd "Money Mayweather Jr. rounded out the Top Three, as he raked in a cool $60.2 Million. Lord knows Floyd will need it to get his crazy uncle Roger out of jail soon. Just check out the Louis Vuitton fannypack!

No Way Jose!

Jose and his gal pal love a little afternoon baseball in the dog days of July! Something tells me that my pinky toe is probably bigger than Canseco's prick! He might have to strap on a sausage just to plow this skank!

Coffee Break!

Sometimes I stick a straw in Eva's box, and I'm able to sip on a nice iced cappucino. It's delicious, and it gives me a little pep in my step each morning.

Phils Interested In Oswalt?

There are hot rumors flying around this morning that the Phillies are very interested in making a move to acquire high-end Astros starter, Roy Oswalt. The addition of this southern prick would enhance the Phils' rotation more than a bottle of Cialis. Just ask Charlie Manuel.

DENIED!

The NHL has rejected the absurd fuckin contract the New Jersey Devils offered Ilya Kovalchuk this week. The idiots from Newark offered this prick a landmark 17-year deal worth $102 Million!!! Seventeen years!!!!!! What the fuck!?!?! The losers of the NHL have deemed the contract illegal because it circumvents the league salary cap. Who gives a shit! NOT US!

Boooo!!!!!!!!!! We Want Lilo!!!

Free Lohan! Love this broad! I much rather hang out with Lindsay Lohan than Lefag James, or any other fuckin Heat fans for that matter. I rather chop off my prick and sell it than spend a fuckin second with that trio of fuckin facepainters. My only advice to them would be to sit in a nice fuckin patch of poison ivy! Nestle in! Hey, Bosh, who left the fuckin cage open at the zoo, pal? Someone should have locked this fuckin prick in the bowels of the Air Canada Centre, and never let him loose. A face like his deserves that type of treatment! Free Lohan! I gotta place for her to sit!

Coffee Break!

Vidal Guerra gets it going on Veggie-Dog Day in Washington D.C.! Make it SIT!

Fuckface McCarver & Dickless Wade...

Is Tim McCarver serious? This guy couldn't sound like a bigger fuckin idiot after his ridiculous comments during Saturday's Yankees-Rays game. Cocksucker McCarver compared the Yankees management of the Joe Torre situation to Nazi Germany and Stalinist Russia. What the fuck is this jagoff talking about? The anti-Yankees sentiment is so blatant from a National League Nancy like Tim "Tinydick" McCarver, and FOX needs to sit him down to set him fuckin straight. The Yankees-Torre situation is very delicate due to Torre's book the "Yankee Years," and McCarver is wrong anyways when he says there aren't pictures of Torre around the stadium, because there are. McCarver noted that despotic leaders in World War II Russia and Germany would airbrush former generals out of pictures, and that the Yankees have done the same with Torre. Give me a fuckin break, Timmy, you fuckin loser. The game has passed this cranberry-juice-drinking prick by.

Let's turn our focus to Dwayne "Dickless" Wade, because this jerkoff obviously reads the same fuckin pop-up books that McCarver does. At a recent charity basketball event, Wade was asked how the new trio of fags would react to a losing streak. Instead of answering the question, Wade flipped it on the reporter and said, "You are all going to make it sound like the World Trade has just went down again." Unfuckinreal, what a fuckin moron this guy is. If David Stern had any guts, then he would publicly reprimand Wade for spewing such insensitive trash. I hope Wade, and the other two fags have fun playing in front of number one Heat fan, Marc Anthony, all year long. There will be an ugly contest between him and Bosh on a nightly basis.