I have a list of new complaints to lodge against my fellow shoppers at the local grocery store. Please pay attention as I think you will agree with me that most of these people should be beaten to death with a blunt instrument.
1. People who leave shopping carts unattended and empty in the parking lot. I have two fucking scratches on my car from this bullshit and honestly I don't want to tolerate this shit anymore... I carry a gun in the car and the next person to pull this sorry shit is getting shot in the eye. Be a great human being and put the fucking cart in the designated area.
2. People who think the local market is some sort of day care center... I cannot even tell you how I feel about this. Most recently I was walking down the aisle looking for Aunt Jemima syrup for my Eggos and I have three little Mexican kids running around my aisle jib-jabbing in whatever fucking language they know. I don't blame the kids, I blame their overweight mothers and their 3,000 dollars worth of shit they buy every night to feed the battalion of children they decided to bring into this world. Keep your fucking offspring in order! Other shoppers don't want little disease infected kids fingering every item on the shelf... Call me a germ-o-phobe, but fuck that shit. Next time a little Mexican kid touches my food I am going to call the INS and just laugh as "mama" gets deported.
3. People who ask for the location of items while they are checking out. Let me give you an example.
After waiting for 10 minutes in line and standing right in front of Mr. Shots.
Customer: "Excuse me I was looking for the cantaloupes and I couldn't find them, can you help me?"
Check Out Skank: "Umm hold on let me get someone."
Tommy Shots: "ENOUGH, you want the cantaloupes, get the fuck out of line and find the cantaloupe guy... You think this slut punching numbers behind the counter knows where the fucking fruit is? Honestly? Do you? Do you think she gives a shit where they are? The accepted method of shopping at this store is to get all of the items you intend to buy and THEN go to the checkout line, but you ask for more in line. Do you think you are special? Is that the problem with this fucking place? Is that why you don't watch your kids in here? Is it because you can't multitask enough to find a fucking piece of fruit and keep an eye on that kid of yours? How about I take the cantaloupe and stick it where it stinks? Would you like that? Now get the fuck out of my way, I am going to buy my things and drive my car into an unattended cart in the shitty fucking parking lot with all of your degenerate friends out there making it look like a fucking driving course..."
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