Johan Santana has been accused of Sexual Assault! Woahhhhhhhh! That's a bad thing! Apparently this case is already closed, so there must be a lot of hush money involved here for the married Johan. Supposedly, Santana really got after it, and then jizzed all over this gal's thigh!!! Who taught him how to bust a nut? Eddy Curry??? Can I meet this gal!?!?! She filed a report, and then watched him play tennis!!!! Woahhhhhhhhh! That's a real twat!!! This couldn't come at a better time for Los Mets!
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