Pricks of the Week

Tommy Shots is hungry for some easy money.

Easy money guaranteed Prick of the Week... Ole Miss Runnin Rebels at home (+7) vs the Auburn Tigers.

At some point everyone will realize what I already know, if you can stop Newton the Tigers suck.  I say the Rebs pull the stunner today and you would be smart to pick up some of this action as well.

Michigan (-3) @ Penn State.

The Wolverines aren't very good, but Penn State is just fucking terrible.

Utah (-7) @ Air Force

Utes in a walk.  Air Force just has too many injuries to compete with the Utes speed.

Utah State (+27.5) @ Nevada

We will take the Utah Special and select both state schools from the Beehive State.  Utah State will score too many points for Nevada to cover that giant spread.

Oklahoma (-24.5) vs Colorado

I have made money betting against the beleaguered Buffs this year so why stop now... The offense in Boulder is offensive and OU should have a field day against a defense filled with slow white guys.

Friday Night College Football Juice!

Who doesn't like making easy money? If you raised your fuckin hand, then your favorite channel is probably TLC! Take the West Virginia Mountaineers (-6.5) at UCONN tonight!

It's A Motherfuckin' Football Friday!!!

Good afternoon, pricks! How are you todayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?! My name is PMAC and I'll be your fuckin tour guide for this special Halloween edition of another Football Fuckin Friday at the office! Dallas Cowboys? Get your fuckin shovels ready, pricks! No worries, Cowboys fans, Dallas WILL cover the spread versus the paltry Jacksonville Jaguars! What about Brett Favre? Will Childress start this fuckin grandpa?!?! Where will PMAC be this weekend? I'll be keeping it sleazy down in the Big Fuckin Easy! It's Saints-Steelers down in N'ola on Halloween night, and Big Ben is hanging out with me in the French Quarter all weekend long! I'm going to teach him a few things about Bourbon Street, while he hits up every strip-club on the block, and get's period-stains on his jeans! What else is going on? Well how about the Cocktail Party in Jacksonville? The Gators will get SMOKED by the Dawgs! You can bet your fuckin life on it! #1 Oregon takes on Lane's Losers, and the Wolverines travel to Frown Valley! Who's hungry?! Who's fuckin horny on a Football Friday! Get looser than Jenaveve Jolie! Let it hang out! I'm gonna jam a 5-Hour Energy right up my prick, and show these motherfuckers just what I'm talking about! MAKE IT SIT! NESTLE! SPIN!!!! I'm tired of the nonsense! I'm tired of going out to dinner and hearing my mom order decaf lattes all the time, and then tell the waiter to, "make sure it's decaf, I don't wanna be up all night!" You asked for decaf! Why even get the fuckin thing!!! Christ! A decaf is a decaf!!! You don't even like the taste of lattes! I can't take it anymore! What do you expect! It's like when you go out to a fuckin steakhouse, and the prick asks her how she wants her steak! She says "pink." Pink!?!?! What the fuck is pink! Is this the first time you've ever been out to dinner before! I remember my first steak! Unfuckinbelievable!!! Just say fuckin medium! Every fuckin time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't take it anymore!!!!

Morning Tush!

Somebody must've slipped a fuckin Viagra in my Sanka, because my sausage is about as hard as it gets right now. Mayra Veronica is Reggie Bush's current girlfriend, and she has quite the rump. I don't think you have to worry about Mayra having pussy egg-beaters for breakfast either. This angel probably orders three eggs overeasy, crisp bacon, and rye toast a little bit on the darker side. Sausage? You bet your fuckin rear-end this bitch likes a good piece of meat between her buns! Sit on it, Mayra! Good morning on a Football Friday!

Giants Take Game 1!

The San Francisco Giants defeated Cliff "The Clit" Lee in Game 1 of the World Series last night at AT&T Park. Tim Lincecum hung tough despite not having his best stuff, while Lee floundered worse than a fish-o-filet sandwich from McDonald's. The rainbows were in full effect last night in McCovey Cove, and they paddled home more than gay! They were fuckin ecstatic! The San Francisco Giants haven't won a World Series since 1954, when they were the NY Giants! Imagine how long these fuckin flamers have been waiting to bring home a title?! A slugfest broke out by the bay, in what was expected to be a pitcher's duel. I guess I was fuckin wrong, but what do I know right? Look at me! I can't even go on the monkey bars anymore because my prick drags on the fuckin ground!!!

Loser Du Jour...

The NY Yankees have signed Loser For Life Manager Joe "Metal-Mouth" Girardi to a 3-Yr contract worth $9 million. Girardi is 287-199 as Yankees manager, with one World Series title in his first three seasons at the helm. So fuckin what? This nerd is tighter than Mother Teresa's box! Hey Joe, how about you stick that black binder up your fuckin ass, you stupid fuckin fuck! The players don't play for this fuckin Steve Urkel wannabe! Ron Washington? Not only do his players play with passion for him, but they party with him too! Girardi just sits in the fuckin corner biting his little nails like the fuckin flamer that he is! I was hoping this cocksucker would wind up with the Cubs job, unfortunately those losers hired Mike Quade instead. I guess it takes a fuckin loser to know one! Yankees fans should be outraged at this decision, I know I am...Sweet braces you fuckin jerkoff! Bite this!

Morning Tush!

Shall we meet Capri Anderson? This hot piece of tush was Charlie Sheen's date at the Plaza Hotel this week in NYC. The 22-year-old 'actress,' and I use that term loosely (no pun intended), locked herself in the bathroom nude when Sheen flew off the handle. I don't know about you pricks, but I also get pretty fuckin pissed when I can't find my wallet and phone! Sheen - the highest paid actor on tv - knows how to have a good time on a first date! Why take a girl to a Yankees game or out for sushi, when you can take her to the Eloise Suite at the Plaza for some fun and games?

Pacquiao The Pussy?

Manny "Pencil-Prick" Pacquiao is apparently having his worst training camp ever, according to his trainer Freddie "I Smoke It Down To The" Roach. Pacman is set to take on Antonio "My Gloves Are Harder Than My Dick, But I Drink Virgin" Margarito, on November 13th down at Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Why is the fight in Dallas? Margarito couldn't get a boxing license anywhere else, except the lone-star state. I'm telling you right now that the Tijuana Tornado will win this fight. He's bigger and stronger than Pacquiao, but he's also a lot hungrier. Think about it, wouldn't your tummy rumble if all you ate on a daily basis was pussy for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Welcome to my world, folks! Pacquiao is dealing with a left heel injury due to wearing dress shoes too much!!! Can you believe it?!?! Congressman Pacquiao's mind isn't on boxing, it's on politics! What a fuckin loser! Get a life, Pacquiao! You're not even a fuckin senator for Christ's sakes! You might as well be the mayor of Loser Fuckin Island! Population 1, and the mortgage rates there are the highest in the fuckin universe, so good luck finding a place to stay! It rains Miami Heat fans, and snows murder-mystery dinners! So get a fuckin CLUE, you fuckin shrimp! Wash your hair, and act like a fuckin man, or stop wasting Freddie's time! He's got brownies to bake!

Don't forget to tune into HBO's 24/7 Pacquiao - Margarito. It airs Saturday nights at 10:30 ET. Extremely well done show...You can always catch it on HBO On Demand, or throughout the week.

World Series 2010 Preview!

The 2010 Fall Classic begins tonight out in the city by the gay, er, bay. The San Francisco Giants take on the Texas Rangers in what should be a very evenly matched series. However, there's just one problem, not many people will be tuning in. PricksRus guarantees that this World Series will have the lowest tv ratings in MLB history. Why? A wise man once said, 'that's the way the cookie crumbles.' Tis' the nature of the beast, small markets equal even smaller ratings. I'm not saying these two teams don't deserve to be here, or that they suck, I'm just simply stating the sad reality of the American public when it comes to tuning into sporting events. Tim Lincecum squares off against Cliff Lee tonight in what should be an instant fuckin classic! Personally, I think there are plenty of great storylines for this particular series. The Texas Rangers and Ron Washington have become a national story, just take a look at Charlie Sheen's latest escapades! He was doing his best Ron Washington impression! Tim Lincecum? Nobody smokes more grass than this prick! What 2-Time Cy Young winner do you know that can get as baked as The Freak? Little Timmy runs around his mansion with nothing on, but oven mitts, and an apron that reads "Kiss The Prick" directly on his crotch! Hey Timmy! Is that a churro underneath your apron, or are you just happy to see me?!?! Brian Wilson? This prick doesn't just use Just For Men on his beard, he drinks it too! Josh Hamilton? What can I say, the guy loves a good bottle of Schweppes! In the words of the great Puff Daddy, "Pop Champagne Like We Won A Championship!" Buckle up, folks! It's gonna be a BUMPY ride!!! No pun intended!!!!!!

The PMAC Pick? Giants in 6 - BOOK IT!

Loser Du Jour...

Miami Heat? Is this some kind of sick and twisted joke? More like the Miami Ice if you ask me! These faggots took a ride on the Polar Express en route to a 9-point first quarter!! Do you know how many 9-point quarters the Heat had last year? None! What a joke these fuckin losers are! Don't fuckin dance around on stage, and run your mouths all summer about winning one, two, three, four championships! We all heard Lebron say that in his interview with that twat Rachel Nichols, when Wade and the Jurassic Park character were sitting by his side. Do you know what Lebron said last night? "Rome wasn't built in one day." Guess what, fuckface! Miami was!!! Lizard Bosh had 8 points and 6 rebounds!! Wow! Do you suck or what!!! This team looked just like last year's Cleveland Cavaliers! The Heat players were probably pissed off they missed the last episode of 'Glee!' You heard it here first yesterday, so I hope you bet the house on the Celtics! Hey Pat Riley! John Amaechi called, he wants his uniform back!

College Football Creep Of The Week!

Check out this fuckin creep! If there was a fuckin jerkoff at Jordan-Hare on Saturday, then you don't need to look any further than this fuckin guy. Sweet blue face, dickbreath, I remember my first O'Douls. How about the fuckin grenades he's with? If those girls gave me a blowjob at a restaurant, then I'd probably try and send it back! I'd rather have sleepovers at Doogie Howser's house for the rest of my life, than be caught out in public looking like this Blue Man Group wannabe. What a disgrace! This stupid fuck shouldn't have been allowed in the school, let alone a fuckin football game! Get fuckin lost, you creep! Wipe that fuckin puss off your face! Nobody gives a fuck if it's that ugly bitches birthday! NOBODY! How fuckin old are you? 10?!?!

NFL Cheerleader Of The Week!

The Dolphins have lost some tough home games this year, but their cheerleaders continue to impress. This gal has a nice set of pom-poms, huh? Between her thighs lies a dish, and it smells like fuckin FISH! Perhaps that's why the new nickname for my prick is Long John Silver! I'll reel this gal in right by the clit! Catch of the day!

Final Answer?

Allen Iverson has signed a 2-year deal for $4 million to play in the Turkish Basketball League, and that's about as fun as sticking your prick in a bucket of wet cement.

Celtics Vs. Heat Tonight!

The 2010-2011 NBA regular season tips off tonight in Beantown, when the Boston Celtics take on the Miami Heat. In what is the most highly anticipated NBA season in quite some time, I expect the Celtics to get things started with a win in front of the home crowd. The heat is off tonight up in New England, and nobody wants to get a whiff of Lebron James because he smells like a fuckin wet bijon. I wouldn't trust that loser for a fuckin second! I don't even trust a fuckin GPS! Fuck off or suck me off! That's my fuckin motto! The Miami Heat have NOBODY other than the three Amigas, and they will be tested in the frontcourt tonight. The Heat are about as cool as Dr. Fuckin House! Take the Celtics in a PK! The NBA is black and better than ever! This just in, the new network for all Miami Heat games is PBS!

Morning Tush!

We all know who this sexy fuckin gal is, right? Good morning to one of my all-time favorites, the gorgeous Denise Richards. I'd probably give Denise a colonoscopy with my fuckin tongue! I'd walk around with a fuckin iRenew around my prick, if it meant I had a shot with Denise! This gal is as hot as it gets...

Loser Du Jour...

Stick a fuckin prick 'em! The Dallas Cowgirls are done! Welcome to the Jon Kitna show, baby!!! I think I rather watch something by that faggot Tyler Perry, than waste my time on the Loserboys! The NY Giants got some Big Apple revenge down in Small D last night, as they ran off 31 unanswered points before taking the foot off the pedal in the 4th quarter, to hold on 41-35. The final score does the game no fuckin justice though, and if you don't believe me, then you can ask Tony Homo! The Cowboys quarterback will be out 8-10 weeks with a fractured clavicle, and a herniated clit! You should've stayed home and watched 'Hawaii Five-O,' you fuckin loser! This just in, according to the Elias Sports Bureau, 70 teams in the NFL have started 1-5 since 1990, and none has ever made the playoffs. Good fuckin luck, losers!!! The Cowboys have about as good a chance of making the playoffs as Mel Gibson had at keeping his role in the upcoming 'Hangover 2,' ZERO! Take a hike, Mel! Take a walk, Cowboys! I rather dip my dick in a volcano, than be a Cowboys fan! Thanks for coming out, losers!!! Vito called! He wants his closet back!!!

Update on Barbados

I regret to inform the readers that the Prime Minister of Barbados has lost his battle with Pancreatic Cancer.  David Thompson died at 2:10AM this morning and will be succeeded in office by Freundel Stuart.  Best of luck to Barbados in the upcoming 2012 games in London.  Of course we offer our condolences to Rihanna as well, poor girl must be all torn up.

BCS... Blind Cock Suckers

1.  Auburn.  Three point wins over Clemson, Mississippi State, and Kentucky do NOT impress this prick... Let's all wait for Auburn to get beat by 35 points and then Tommy can say I told you so.

2. Oregon.  Might lose a game due to their conference but they are without question the best team in the country this season... Without question.

3.  Boise State.  Clear cut number two.  If Virginia Tech keeps winning, how can you keep them out of the title game?

4.  TCU.  Best win is against Baylor and Baylor clearly sucks.  Currently the Frogs hang their hat on their #2 defense in the country but there is a serious problem with that stat... Utah is #4 in total defense and you know why?  Because the Mountain West Conference sucks this season and these two teams give up close to zero points every week.

5.  Michigan State.  You fucking losers... No Ohio State means that MSU officially plays the "pussiest" schedule in the entire country.  If they can just win @Iowa this weekend the path is clear to be undefeated.  Oh yeah I remember Iowa, the game where Arizona beat them up and sent them home?  Yep I remember Iowa, they blow too.

6.  Missouri.  No chance.  You suck.  Out of conference is McNeese State, Miami (OH), Illinois, San Diego State... PMac and I could win 10 games in the Big XII, this conference needs to be disbanded.

7.  Alabama.  Only good win is against Arkansas but I would not want to play these guys.

8.  Utah.  #4 defense in the country means nothing to me because of who they play.

9.  Oklahoma.  How can you look so bad on national television and stay in the top 10?

10.  Wisconsin.  Oh my word, they beat Arizona State due to a missed PAT in Madison and now I have to hear this top 10 bullshit?  Go fuck yourselves, Wisconsin is not in the top 25.

Tommy Shots Perfect Rankings.
1.  Oregon
2.  Boise State
3.  Stanford
4.  Alabama
5.  Auburn
6.  Michigan State
7.  Missouri
8.  Arizona
9.  TCU
10.  LSU

Morning Tush!

April Summers is from the UK, but she's made the move to Paris to join Playboy France. Yes, folks, that makes her a French Playmate, and she's about as horny as they come. It's another Monday Morning Loserback at the office, so get ready for a lot of filth, and plenty of second-guessing. Get your head out of Tony the Tiger's ass, and stick it up April's!

AUBURN!

LOCK IT UP! They don't lose on the Plains....

Yankee Doodle Done

Despite a one hundred million dollar advantage in payroll the Yankees lay down and get fucked by Ron Washington and the Texas Rangers in 6 games... Tonight is a great night for baseball fans everywhere, and a huge evening for Ron Washington's coke dealer as well. Enjoy the series Ranger fans and hopefully in the next 100 years the Cubs will fire Jim Hendry so I can taste success too. Fuck you Jim Hendry, you worthless sack of shit.

Football Fuckin Friday!

How about a warm mug of Swiss Miss on a chilly Football Friday in the Northeast!!! I wait all fuckin week just to rant about helmet to helmet hits, and juicy fuckin clits!!! Tommy Shots was on the money once again with the Ducks last night, and we're looking to keep the momentum hot and heavy heading into the weekend. Who knows? Maybe I'll just go to the fuckin strip club for breakfast this morning, I like a good buffet! I like it when the slut spreads jam all over my johnson and licks it off like a fuckin kitty cat drinking from her water bowl!!! It's like sucking on ice chips when you have a fuckin fever, POINTLESS! Suck this! We have a mammoth sports-filled weekend on the horizon, and I'm more horny than David Duchovny and Jack Nicholson combined! I caused an accident with my prick on the way to work this morning....from the other side of town!!! Big day!! It's another Football Fuckin Friday at PricksRus Hotel!!! Who brought the Jagermeister! Where's the chianti!?! Where's the grass!?!?! Feed me some hot and cold antipasto! It's time to MAKE IT SIT!!!!

Morning Tush!

Layla Kayleigh can suck on my hose while her tush is on my nose!

#1 Takes the Field

This guy knows what I am talking about.

You are Too Damn High!

I don't know what to say here... It looks like Louis Farahkhan fucked Captain Jack Sparrow and this guy is the result. By the way I have very little respect for "karate experts" simply because an old woman with a gun is a much tougher out than the best karate master in the world. Guns should have ended martial arts... Anybody see The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise? They were pretty concerned with karate and swords and they all got killed, lesson learned... Guns win.

Unsatisfactory

This is what you wear to your job and you complain about sexual harassment?  Un Fucking Satisfactory!!!

J-Nooo!

'Jersey Shore' star Jenni (J-Woww) Farley has turned down a $40k offer from Playboy to pose nude for the magazine. What a fuckin loser! Talk about a twat! I guess she's waiting for a better offer from Playgirl! What does this bitch have to hide?!?! The rumor has it that you can actually saddle up and ride on her fat fuckin cameltoe! Her hump makes Serena Williams blush!!!

Anthony Kim Does Vegas!

Anthony Kim has withdrawn from the Justin Timberlake Shriner's Hospital for Children Open, and it's not only because of his thumb injury. The PGA Tour bad boy was apparently a "loose cannon" earlier this week while gambling at the Bellagio! That's what I'm fuckin talking about, AK!!! Management at the casino had to tell Anthony to tone down his screaming and salty language! Who the fuck do they think they are? If Anthony wants to swear and scream, then fuckin let him! Do you want a bunch of fuckin sissies gambling in your casino? Who the fuck are you? Willy Blank? The fuckin fun police? Thank God the MGM Grand doesn't follow that policy, or else I'd never be allowed back in Sin City! There's a lot of bodies in that fuckin desert!!!! Kudos to Anthony Kim for realizing what's important! Being a prick, and missing four out of his last six cuts on Tour! Stay hot!

Drunk Punter

Indianapolis Colts starting punter Pat McAfee was arrested last night after being found swimming in one of the city's canals.  When he was asked how much he had to drink McAfee responded "A lot because I am really drunk."  This is pretty great... Even greater was his twitter message just before heading out for the evening...  It is fair to say that Pat McAfee is officially a "friend of the blog".
"Bye week bye week bye week. Time to get some ish done. Happy Tuesday Party people."
   -Pat McAfee's twitter just prior to getting completely tanked and arrested.

Morning Tush!

Well hello there, Kimbyr Leigha! Is that a 5-Hour Energy in your snatch, or are you just happy to see me? How about I perform CPR on your clam, and call it a day!

Uh, Oh... The Official Video is Out

Tommy Shots just cannot get enough... Anybody realize that she is not your average ghetto rat with a microphone? Well educated and from Barbados. I love Barbados!!! I honestly do! They are essentially the only Caribbean country that A. Doesn't cause trouble and B. Never asks for help. In addition I just love the term Barbadian. I am going to do the readers a favor and follow the Barbadian sports programs... Not sure what they play but given the geography and genealogy I would say track and field is a bit of a specialty. What the hell was this girl doing with Chris Brown? What a fuckin joke!

More From Favre and the NFL Meetings

(Continued) BF- Brett Favre, RG- Roger Goodell

RG: Alright Brett, I have heard your side of things and now I will tell you how I see it.
BF: I was not finished.
RG: Okay, what else do you have to say about my disciplinary actions?
BF: Well Roger, lets take a look at a few of the NFL's hardline decisions made in the name of discipline. First, how about the Minnesota Vikings boat party? The NFL punished guys for having a party and jamming things into strippers? I have a question for you Roger.
RG: Shoot
BF: Are you gay? Do you like men? Have you ever been to a cool party?
RG: That is three questions and I answer no to all three.
BF: Exactly, you have never been to a cool party. Well I have and let me tell you that a party isn't a party until the first household appliance gets stuck in a stripper.
RG: Brett, that is disgusting.
BF: No you are disgusting... Onto my next case, Ben Rothliesberger. This guy got attacked in a bar by some little stray kitten from Atlanta.
RG: Stray kitten?
BF: Yes, she was incredibly cute but looked dangerous, possibly ran away from home at a young age and didn't have her shots. You know Rodge, he wanted to take her home but decided it was best to play with her out of the house and then clear her sad story off the conscience before he went back to regular life.
RG: Brett, he was approached in a bar by a woman who he proceeded to lead into a bathroom and have sex over a sink without a condom before ejaculating on her face!!!
BF: Man, I never liked Big Ben but I sure do now... So what is the crime? You suspended him? Honestly Roger you should have shaken his hand because there is some proof he isn't gay unlike yourself.
RG: I don't have to listen to this.

(To Be Continued)

Favre-Goodell Meetings

Today was Brett's day to explain... Luckily the Pricks have ascertained a copy of the transcript.

RG- Roger Goodell
BF- Brett Favre

RG: Brett, great to see you, I think you know why you are here.
BF: Actually I don't, enlighten me.
RG: Brett, did you send pictures of your genitals to a Miss Jenn Sterger?
BF: Let me answer that with another question... Why do you keep defending these skanks that your players nail?
RG: What?
BF: Huh?
RG: I don't understand.
BF: You wouldn't.
RG: Brett, before we move on... Could you please explain what you are accusing me of?
BF: Here is the deal Rodge, you defend the whores.
RG: Excuse me?!?!?!?!
BF: This Sterger gal did everything but get into gynecological stirrups to get famous, she had seen more cock than a fucking Meadowlands urinal... I send her a picture of my shit cause I think she might come over to my hotel and ride me like Willie Schumaker, and you get all upset. Isn't it fair to assume that this girl lacks the moral authority to accuse me of sexual harassment?
RG: I am missing your point.
BF: Point is... What is the punishment nowadays for being a complete slut? It used to be that sluts would complain and nobody would listen to them because they were sluts... Now we defend them? Fuck you Roger, I bet your wife is a slut.
RG: I beg your pardon.
BF: Relax Roger, I wouldn't fuck your wife for practice.

(20 minute coffee break for the parties to cool off, I will post the rest as it comes in.)