PMAC Leaves the Pricks

Bet the fucking house on the Miami Dolphins (pk) tonight against the Chicago Bears.  Tommy is coming off a 3-1-1 weekend and a huge bet on Louisville (NCAABB) the other night which was just free fucking money!!!  Goodbye to Pmac.

Who Gives A Shit Moment Of The Week!

The UCONN basketball sluts have now won 80 games in a row following last night's victory over the #2 ranked Baylor Bitches. Big fuckin deal! Who gives a shit? Seriously? I don't understand how there is one person in the fuckin stands, it's embarrassing. I rather go to a fuckin Cranberries concert, and let my prick linger between my legs for a few fuckin hours! I don't give a fuck about the Lady Huskies! They are nothing but a bunch of female fuckin dogs! Brittney Griner? Her clit is probably bigger than my dick! What else am I supposed to say!?! I'm amazed at how many fuckin idiots show up to these events! It's like one big loser convention! I would rather be caught red-handed buying a fuckin Playgirl magazine, than ever show up at such a disgusting and repulsive scene! Get a life, jerkoffs! Nobody fuckin cares!!!!! Nobody cares!!!!! The UCONN women might as well play the fuckin Ladybugs every week! How about some fuckin competition! Enough already!

Lil' Wayne Is Free!

Lil' Wayne has been sprung from Rikers Island, and he's ready to get back to fuckin business down in Miami! Check him out in Las Vegas on November 6th! Today is a great fuckin day!

Final Answer?

Allen Iverson has signed a 2-year deal for $4 million to play in the Turkish Basketball League, and that's about as fun as sticking your prick in a bucket of wet cement.

Football Fuckin Friday!

How about a warm mug of Swiss Miss on a chilly Football Friday in the Northeast!!! I wait all fuckin week just to rant about helmet to helmet hits, and juicy fuckin clits!!! Tommy Shots was on the money once again with the Ducks last night, and we're looking to keep the momentum hot and heavy heading into the weekend. Who knows? Maybe I'll just go to the fuckin strip club for breakfast this morning, I like a good buffet! I like it when the slut spreads jam all over my johnson and licks it off like a fuckin kitty cat drinking from her water bowl!!! It's like sucking on ice chips when you have a fuckin fever, POINTLESS! Suck this! We have a mammoth sports-filled weekend on the horizon, and I'm more horny than David Duchovny and Jack Nicholson combined! I caused an accident with my prick on the way to work this morning....from the other side of town!!! Big day!! It's another Football Fuckin Friday at PricksRus Hotel!!! Who brought the Jagermeister! Where's the chianti!?! Where's the grass!?!?! Feed me some hot and cold antipasto! It's time to MAKE IT SIT!!!!

You are Too Damn High!

I don't know what to say here... It looks like Louis Farahkhan fucked Captain Jack Sparrow and this guy is the result. By the way I have very little respect for "karate experts" simply because an old woman with a gun is a much tougher out than the best karate master in the world. Guns should have ended martial arts... Anybody see The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise? They were pretty concerned with karate and swords and they all got killed, lesson learned... Guns win.

J-Nooo!

'Jersey Shore' star Jenni (J-Woww) Farley has turned down a $40k offer from Playboy to pose nude for the magazine. What a fuckin loser! Talk about a twat! I guess she's waiting for a better offer from Playgirl! What does this bitch have to hide?!?! The rumor has it that you can actually saddle up and ride on her fat fuckin cameltoe! Her hump makes Serena Williams blush!!!

Junior Seau Drives Off A Cliff!

Ta-ta-ta-ta TODAY, JUNIOR! Hey, Seau! My name is Cliff, why don't you drop over some time!?!?! Ex-NFL linebacker, Junior "Juiced-Up" Seau was arrested earlier today on charges of domestic violence, what a fuckin shocker! Do these pricks ever learn? I guess not, because Seau was booked into the Vista Detention Facility around 2:00AM this morning! Junior must have spent a couple tough hours in jail, because upon being released he decided to hop in his Escalade and drive off a cliff! The car was found thirty feet below on the beach! Come on, Junior! This is southern California! Not Daytona!!! That takes guts! I might rob the fuckin deli at lunch today! Gimme all your cocksuckin Boarshead Everroast Chicken, before I blow this place up! I asked for mayo, you fuck! Stick that Gulden's up your fuckin ass, and call it a softcore! Fortunately, Seau only endured some minor cuts and bruises. Hey, Junior?!?! How big is a gap!?!?! About 50 feet!?!?! Quick! Everybody to this side of the Escalade!!!

R.I.P. Freddy "Sez" Schuman...

PricksRus would like to take a moment to honor Freddy "The Fan" Schuman, who passed away yesterday at the age of 85. Freddy was a staple at Yankees games in the old and new stadiums for over two decades straight, and I'm proud to say I banged on his frying pan many, many times.

Get A Clue Canseco!

Jose "Dickbreath" Canseco is at it again, folks. This fuckin flamer thinks the character of Kenny Powers, from HBO's "Eastbound & Down," is based on him! Is he fuckin serious? Get a fuckin clue, Jose!!! You're more Harvey fuckin Milk than Kenny Powers, you speedo-wearing cocksucker! When will this idiot finally shut the fuck up?! Not everything is about you, Jose, and nobody wanted to bang your ex-wife either! Not even that loser Alex Rodriguez would touch that fuckin tramp!

Texas Rangers pitcher, CJ Wilson, was asked how he felt about Canseco's claim: "Of course he thinks that. He probably thinks if the price of gold fluctuates, it's because of him."

The only cockfighting Canseco does is with himself! He's the type of loser that gets off on banging his own fuckin shadow! How the hell could this shriveled-dick prick ever claim the show is based on him? Have you ever heard of the man they call Sir Sidney Ponson?? Or how about everybody's favorite southpaw, John "Racist" Rocker??!! Break me off a piece of that fuckin Kit-Kat bar already! Enough is fuckin enough! If I'm Jose Canseco, then I'm drenching my fuckin prick in gasoline, sticking a carton of Pall-Mall's down my fuckin jorts, and lighting a fuckin match! Get fuckin lost, jerkoff!

Ines Sainz Offered Playboy Cover Shoot!!!

You heard it here first, you fuckin pricks!!! The Brazilian bombshell known as Ines Sainz has been offered a substantial fuckin amount of cash to pose for PLAYBOY!!! Hey, Hugh, have another Cialis!!! Is that a #2-pencil in your pants, or are you just disgusted to see me! I guess Ines has gotten what she fuckin wanted, huh? A ton of publicity, and now a chance to bare that plump posterior of hers! I got your apple-bottom jeans right here, tuttz! Sit on my face while I enjoy a nice pop-up book, and a glass of Ruffino! Can I catch a fuckin break or what!?!?! I need my space, folks! I need to make like John fuckin Glenn and move the fuck out! I can't take it anymore! It's 11pm in Fairfield County, CT, and I can't even go to bed! I sleep on the fuckin couch for goodness sakes, and my mother just can't stop ironing!!! When is enough, enough?!?!?! What the fuck are you fuckin ironing at 11pm on a Thursday! You better have a fuckin job interview in the morning, or else that skort and my J-Crew boxers can wait until manana! Enough already!!! Next thing you know it's time to fuckin vacuum!!!! Goodness gracious, where's Aunt Jemima when you need her!!!

Lox? More Like Cream-Cheese Spread If You Ask Me!

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize for my 3-4 record last week with my Fresh Nova Scotia Lox. I guess they aren't so fuckin fresh, huh? As a matter of fact, they were fuckin rotten! The lox had a similar aroma to Ugly Betty's vagina after she eats a full sack of White Castles, and smokes a pack of Virginia Slims! Disgusting! I'm embarrassed, and I promise to clean up my act this week. All In all, I had gone 5-2-1 in my eight picks prior to Saturday's, and I slouch at a modest 10-10-2 on the year. Quite frankly, I'm depressed and ashamed with such an average fuckin performance thusfar. I don't deserve decaf or regular! For goodness sakes I don't even deserve a pack of fuckin Swiss Miss! Nothing but Sanka for this fuckin prick! Week 5 starts tomorrow with Texas A & M taking on Sean Sutton and those pill-popping-'Pokes from Stillwater! I don't know about you fuckin pricks, but I'm putting Week 4 in my rearview...

Kenny Powers Is Fuckin Back!

"Eastbound & Down" returns to HBO on Sunday night at 10:30pm eastern with it's Season 2 Premiere. If you don't watch this fuckin show, then you probably drive a Vespa to work! Or as Kenny Powers would say, "If at first you don't succeed, then maybe you just SUCK!" Gimme a break already! Wake up and smell the pussy!

Nova Scotia Lox Recap....

PMAC is very pleased with his 4-2-1 record this past Saturday, and he's especially happy with his Best Bet on the Arkansas Razorbacks, along with his upset special, Arizona.

Splitsville!!!

Cowboys WR Miles Austin and Kimmy "Famous Fanny" Kardashian have called it quits! Good for Kimmy, Miles Austin is on an 0-2 football team, and he's surrounded by jagoffs left and right. Ms. Kardashian deserves better, so perhaps she should give Rick Pitino a call? They can pop up some Orville Redenbacher and watch "Gone In 15 Seconds" together!

PMAC Has Rough Week 1!

First and foremost, I'd just like to apologize for going 2-4 with my Fresh Nova Scotia Lox. It's unacceptable, and I wish I could make like an Ostrich and bury my prick in the fuckin ground. Call me Oscar, because my picks and I belong in a fuckin trash can! Quite frankly, I'm depressed and ashamed with my rotten showing, and I can only attribute it to being rusty on Week 1. I thought maybe I'd escape with a 3-3 record, but that fuckin idiot Les Miles can't hold a lead, and he's lucky the Bayou Bengals left Atlanta with a win, because he's already under Gabourey Sidibe-size scrutiny in Baton Rouge. Louisville proved they are nothing but a bunch of carwash cunts, and the Connecticut Huskies performed like a bunch of pomeranians! However, week two is looming, and I can assure all of you this will be the last time I faulter. Pop quiz, hot shot! You just went 2-4 in your first week! What do you do!?! What do you do, PMAC! You're so fuckin smart!

You shoot the bookie!

Rodman's Got A Rocket In His Pocket!

In a recent impromptu interview, Dennis Rodman claimed to have slept with over 2,000 girls! Unbelievable! Rodman's behavior rivals that of Tiger Woods and Wilt Chamberlain, but I'm curious to know which one of them plowed the hottest seafood. I think it's a pretty tight race between Tiger and Rodman, simply because these guys liked testing the porn-star waters, and that's always a wise decision in my pop-up book. Good for Dennis, the guy is flat out horny! Since when is that a fuckin crime! Rodman enjoys cavorting around with the finest gals in the country! He gives them the old, "I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my prick, don't make me pull it out!" Stay horny, Dennis! Love the sluts, and the sluts will love you back!

"Piranha 3D" Movie Review!

You can put it on the boarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd....YES! What a fuckin flick!!! I was blown away by "Piranha 3D" last night! I'll tell ya, this film hit the nail on the fuckin head! The girls, music, setting, piranhas, dialogue, and storyline were all tremendous. The movie makes you want to go on Spring Break, and just get fuckin nuts! Don't take a fuckin Viagra before you strut into the theatre! Trust me! However, I must be fair, I can't be a jagoff, right? My only complaint was the length of the movie, because it was too fuckin short. I guess that's why I'm gonna have to give it 2.5 Pricks Up. This means I kinda have my kickstand halfway, but I kinda don't. I'm basically caught on the sidewalk, if you know what I mean. I'm riding my tricycle, but not at full speed. It reminds me of a time way back when, I'm pretty sure I was ten years old, and just a tall glass of Juicy Juice. I had just learned how to ride a bike without training wheels (took me awhile), and I had an unfortunate accident. I was riding along on this sidewalk, and there was a sign in the middle of it, so of course I couldn't decide which way I wanted to attack it. What did I do? I drove right into it, and scraped my knee pretty bad. Luckily this was near a stop sign, so there were a few cars lined up to see it! What a LOSER! That's neither here, nor there though, this is about "Piranha 3D." I highly recommend everyone go see it! Just thinking about it is giving me a hard-on! Hey! Who slipped a fuckin Cialis in my cereal!?!?! Look, ma, no hands!!!

Loser Du Jour...

ESPN's Jay Mariotti deserved this award when he came out of his mom's box, but he took it to another level this weekend! The Chicago Sun-Times, and ESPN personality, was arrested on a domestic disturbance charge against his girlfriend in Los Angeles early Saturday morning. Shame on him, and shame on his gal pal! What broad would ever date Mariotti? They don't make them more brutal than this loser! This is nothing new for the pigs from ESPN, and they deserve all the negative publicity they get when you hire a gross slob like Jay Mariotti. He was being held on $50,000 bail, and now he's hanging out with John Schnatter.

Nenad Krstic Flips Out!

Hey, Nenad! Is that seat taken? Oklahoma City Thunder center, Nenad Krstic, flew off the fuckin handle over in Athens, Greece yesterday during a basketball game between his native Serbia and Greece. The Acropolis Tournament turned into an absolute melee! Nenad couldn't take the drama so he picked up a chair and hurled it at everybody! What a maniac! The only other time Krstic ever gets that mad is when "Nanny McPhee" is soldout! Haven't you heard of Fandango you fuckin loser?!?!?! Krstic has since been released from custody, and is roaming the streets of Europe doing his best Bobby Knight impression if someone does so much as dare look at him crosseyed! He doesn't give a fuckin fuck! Unbelievable! Hey, I'm just the messenger, folks, but what do I know, right? I'm the same guy who bartered his skateboard straight up for a porno on VHS when I was 12 years old! What a deal!