COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #13

Wisconsin Badgers

Prediction- The Pricks hate the Badgers because the Badgers are boring, and boring Badgers make for limp Pricks. I guess they will win 9 games and head to the Alamo Bowl to beat Texas Tech, ho hum... Tell someone who cares. They really don't play anyone of significance this season, just like last season and the season before that. Out of conference scheduling at Wisco has become an absolute fucking embarrassment and this year is no different with games vs. UNLV, San Jose State, and Austin Peay. I can't do this anymore, the Wisconsin post is over.

Best Player- Probably some overweight running back who will run for 300 yards against Purdue and then suck in the NFL because he is so slow... It is like some guy bragging about what a fucking Cocksman he is and then you find out he is drilling midgets, and retards just to tell you he got laid.

Best Game- October 16, Ohio State in Madison... Great opportunity for the OSU players to accumulate some of those little Buckeyes on their helmets.

First Game- Saturday vs. UNLV... The fat running back du jour in Madison has a big game.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #14

Arkansas Razorbacks

What can you say about these fucks? Bobby Petrino? Who does this prick think he's fuckin kidding? I rather drive a fuckin Mini-Cooper to prom, and have that loser from the State-Farm commercials be my date, than play a fuckin down for Bobby "I Have A Tiny" Petrino! The hype rests on the right arm of QB Ryan Mallet, who was driven outta Ann Arbour by Dick Rodriguez, and now has 2010 Heisman Hopes in Fayetteville. I know it's not my turn to play hero, but I can't root for the Hogs, and that's got a lot to do with Bobby Petrino. He's the definition of a hog, and that's why his favorite actor is Robin Williams. Why? Because he wants to fuck Mrs. Doubtfire! Woo Pig Sooie!!!

Player To Watch: QB Ryan Mallet. If you don't know this fuckin guy's name by now, then the girls you bang probably only open up the zipper in their jeans. This kid has a monster arm, but he might be the next coming of Jay Cutler...

The Razorbacks open up at home versus Tennessee Tech on Saturday! No offense, but I've seen better games at Chucky Cheese's.

Arkansas will be looking forward to an October 23rd rendezvous with former coach Houston "Suck My" Nutt, and his Ole' Miss Rebels.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #15

Oregon Ducks

Prediction- Jeremiah Masoli? Burglary charge... You little fucking moron. New QB? Nate Costa, we'll see how this goes but in my opinion it is a good move. Reason? For some reason Mexican QB's are good. Jeff Garcia, Tony Romo, Mark Sanchez, Marc Bulger, J.P. Losman, and from the NFL's past we have Jim Plunkett... All of these guys are Mexican so the Pricks are thinking there is something in the water down there... Something in the water in Mexico that doesn't make you piss out of your ass and beg for death? Yep, that is what we are saying. We will base this entire prediction on the fact that there has never been a bad Mexican QB other than Moses Moreno, Costa will be no different and Oregon will win 10 games.

Best Player- RB LaMichael James, Oregon RB's are usually good due to their significant time spent outrunning law enforcement.

Best Game- October 30th @USC

First Game- Saturday at home vs. New Mexico... New Mexico? I think Costa is going to be pretty fucking comfortable with the Lobos... After all, he is from Old Mexico.... ARRIBA!!!!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #16

Miami Hurricanes

It's all about the U! It's all about the U! It's all about those fuckin boys from Coral Gables this year! They don't give a fuckin fuck who they fuck, as long as they fuckin jizz all over those cocksuckin' Trojans! That means you Lane Kiffin! I think I'd rather eat guacamole out of Gabourey Sidibe's ass after she mowed down a few Tortadas, than listen to a word that fuckin jagoff has to say! Randy Shannon and company have quite the schedule this season, so I'm hoping the gals on South Beach have their legs spread, and clits wide open, because Craig Cooper eats Viagra for breakfast! I thought I said I like my ORANGE JUICE with some pulp!

Player To Watch: Jacory Harris, the 'Canes QB, needs to cut down on interceptions, the way I need to cut down on Brazzers.com!

Miami opens up Saturday, September 4th, versus Florida A & M, so I think I'd rather watch softcore! Maybe the feature film "Species" will do, and I don't even like Sci-Fi!

September 11th, the Hurricanes will travel to the Horseshoe in Columbus to take on the Buckeyes. This is an incredible non-conference matchup, so lets just hope Brent Musburger doesn't cream his fuckin trousers prior to that faggot dotting the I!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #17

Florida State Seminoles

Prediction- The tribe and Chief Osceola are going to be resurgent under their new HC and longtime Bowden offensive guru Jimbo Fisher. Look for the Noles' to play like the girls at their school act, fast and very loose. The offense will be commanded by perennial douchebag Christian Ponder and of course they will have 5-10 WR's capable of breaking the big one. Big question for them has to be schedule, a trip to Blacksburg plus out of conference games vs. Oklahoma, BYU, and the Gators means a nine win season would be terrific.

Best Player and Biggest Twat- QB Christian Ponder

Best Game- Florida, November 27th

First Game- Samford at home this Saturday... Just imagine all of the freshman trim in Tallahassee getting ready for their first Football Saturday Slutscapade... Makes Tommy wanty.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #18

Auburn Tigers

It's all about he resurgence of the WAR EAGLE down at Auburn, as head coach Gene Chizik begins his second season leading the Tigers in the rugged SEC West. There's nothing like listening to the sweet sound of Verne "No Neck" Lundquist on a Saturday afternoon on the Plains of Auburn. They like to have a good time down there at Jordan-Hare, and I expect big things out of the Tigers this season. The anticipation on campus is rather high, considering their in-state rival is the defending BCS champion. Cameron Newton is looking to step in at the quarterback slot, and his favorite target will be outstanding WR, Darvin Adams. The girls at Auburn? They are easier than riding a bike, unless you're me of course...

Player To Watch: Michael Dyer, this freshman runningback has all the tools to give a serious boost to Auburn's rushing attack.

The Tigers open up Saturday versus Arkansas State.

Circle November 13th on your calendar, Tiger Sluts! Georgia will be coming to the Plains of Auburn for "The Deep South's Oldest Rivalry."

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #19

Utah Utes
Prediction- The crown jewel of the mid-majors should score plenty of points but the problems will lie on offense... QB Jordan Wynn was a heralded recruit however has had a year long project of cleaning the shit out of his pants from the TCU game last October. The Pricks see a 9 win season for the Utes and a possible MWC title, so rejoice in SLC... Your team will be in it again.

Best Player- DT, Sealver Siliga

Best Game- @Notre Dame, November 13th.

First Game- Thursday night at home vs Pittsburgh.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #20

LSU Tigers

Losing is not an option in the SEC, and down in Baton Rouge things are no different. The Bayou Bengals displayed a putrid fuckin offense last season, as they relied heavily on their defense to keep them in games. The passing game was non-existent, and if LSU wants to get back on top of the SEC West, then they must improve in this area. Les Miles enters his 6th season as the head coach, and that 2007 National Championship is beginning to seem like a distant memory these days. There's nothing quite like Saturday nights at Tiger Stadium, where the ground has been known to shake it gets so loud. The Purple & Gold are boasting a serious 2010 Recruiting Class that was ranked in the Top 10 by Rivals.com, Scout.com, and the fuckin losers from Bristol Clown Community College. Uncertainty at the QB position continues to have the offense in flux, as sophomore Jordan Jefferson might not be able to hold off junior, Jarret Lee. The loss of seven defensive starters, and leading rusher Charles Scott, could end up taming the Tigers. An interesting note to remember is that Les Miles hasn't had his contract rolled over the past two years, and some are calling for his head unless LSU wins 10 games this season. All this after winning a BCS Title just three years ago. Such is life in the SEC...Geaux Tigers!

Player To Watch: LB Kevin Mintner, this prick is more explosive than my johnson after a web-cam session with Diamond Kitty!

LSU kicks off their season in Atlanta on Saturday night, September 4th, at 8PM Eastern versus a very dangerous North Carolina team.

LSU has a date with Ryan Mallet and the Razorbacks on November 27th, in what will undoubtedly be a key SEC West matchup.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #21

Oregon State University Beavers

Prediction- These guys are going to be hungry little Beavers this season following a close brush with the Rose Bowl a year ago. First team All Prick RB Jacquizz Rodgers is a Heisman candidate, and his brother James will garner quite a bit of attention on the outside. I know what you are thinking, how can two brothers have such different names? I tend to blame the mother in this situation considering I would guess both of them are named after their father's. Oh well, back to the Beaver... This Prick sees 8-4 and considering the out of conference schedule (@TCU, Louisville, @Boise State) I would consider 8 wins to be a serious success story in Beaver Land, similar to the invention of the Tampon.

Best Player- RB Jacquizz Rodgers, look for Jizz to be a real mess for Pac-10 Defensive Coordinators.

Best Game- @Boise State September 25th... Blue Turf and Beavers? Could be an exotic look.

First Game- TCU @ JerryWorld September 4th... Frogs attempt to penetrate the Beaver's on the ground, spread the Beavers through the air, and stuff the shit out of the Beaver's with their massive defense.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #22

Georgia Bulldogs

Uga VII is dead, but the Bulldogs will play on, even if it means that shit-for-brains Mark Richt is still at the helm. Richt is on the hot seat down in Athens, but that won't keep him from walking around like the biggest loser in the world while he's on the sidelines. I think I rather hang out with Justin Long and Drew Barrymore than spend a fuckin minute with Mark "I Lost My Dick" Richt! It's been a tumultous offseason for Georgia, and leading rusher, Washaun Ealey, put the cherry on top just last week when he was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident. Ealey has been suspended for the first game of the season, so redshirt freshman QB, Aaron Murray, better be ready to step his game up, or else he's gonna look worse than a shirt pulled out from the bottom of Ricky Martin's hamper! The bright side? At least Joe "I Suck" Cox is gone!

Player To Watch: A. J. Green, this prick is the most exciting WR in the SEC, and possibly the nation, so look for Green to have a stellar year, and wind up being picked in the Top 10 come April's NFL Draft. He's one of 10 starters returning on offense.

Georgia will open up Vs. Louisiana-Lafayette on Saturday 9/4.

Circle October 30th on your calendars for Georgia Vs. Florida in Jacksonville. The World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party might just decide who wins the SEC East Division.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #23

Clemson Tigers



Prediction- No C.J. Spiller but the Tigers do return the HB duo of Andre Ellington and Jamie Harper which should suffice against a depleted ACC schedule that does not include the Hokies. The defense is absolutely dirty, filthy, nasty anchored by All-Prick first team safety DeAndre McDaniel... Nobody knows McDaniel now, but on draft day you will be able to see Kiper's saliva all over this guy's sack.

Best Player- Safety, DeAndre McDaniel

Best Game- @North Carolina October 9th.

First Game- Saturday vs North Texas in Death Valley... Good luck North Texas.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #24

South Carolina Gamecocks

The Ole' Ballcoach is running out of time down in Columbia, as the Garnett & Black faithful have been itching for a real contender for years now. Stephen Garcia enters his 2nd full season as starting quarterback, and he has a some nice weapons to work with on the outside, and a more than formidable tight end in Weslye Saunders. Look out for sophomore WR Alshon Jeffrey, who lit up defenses last year in just his freshman season, the guy has three legs, and runs by fuckin everyone. Opposite Jeffrey, is sophomore Tori Gurley, who at 6'5" gives Garcia an excellent target as well. The Gamecocks need a 9-Win season, but my prick tells me they will only win 8. However, what's better than a bunch of broads chanting Let's Go Cocks all day?

Player To Watch: Freshman RB & blue-chip recruit, Marcus Lattimore.

1st Game: Southern Miss travels to Columbia on Thursday, September 2nd.

Game of the Year: Alabama rolls into town on October 9th.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW #25

Notre Dame Fighting Irish



Worst part about ND cheerleaders- Has to be the Catholic prohibition on pre-marital vaginal intercourse.

Best part about ND cheerleaders- Experts in oral and anal to completion.

Prediction- So a new dawn in South Bend as coach Brian Kelly takes over for Whale Weis, the Pricks like lofty projections and we will say ND wins 9 games on a very tough schedule.

Best Player- WR Michael Floyd. This guy is a freak. 6 foot 4, runs a 4.5 and best of all has a 13 inch prick. Look for ND to win back to back Bilitnikoff awards for the top WR in the country a second consecutive year after Golden Tate accomplished it in 2009.

Best Game- @USC November 27th in the Coliseum.

First Game- Purdue in South Bend next Saturday.

Nobody Cares!!!

Japan beat Hawaii 4-1 in the LLWS Championship yesterday! Big fuckin deal!!!! Thank God this shit is finally fuckin over. The only thing more boring than the LLWS is banging Elin Nordegren! Fact! Who knows, maybe I'm just being an asshole, maybe I woke up on the wrong fuckin side of the cushion this morning! Like I have a fuckin choice! These kids probably stick their pricks through fuckin donut holes on Friday nights, nobody cares!!! Cry me a river, losers!!!! Cry about it! I got your tears right here (grabbing my crotch)!!!

Weekend Chowder!

Mi scuzzi, waitress, may I have an order of half-a-dozen littlenecks on the half-shell, and a side of Francesca Frigo please? Look at this specimen we have today, is she unbelievable or what? I'd grab a spoon and eat maple-walnut ice cream off my beanbag, if it meant dipping my noodle in Francesca's soup sandwich. This gal is an absolute fuckin smokeshow, a thoroughbred if you will. Her hiney is better-looking than 95% of the people in the fuckin universe, and I'm not exagerrating either. Perhaps she should quit her job as a model and work at FannieFuckinMae, as she is more than well-qualified! Fuck it, I like my women the same way I like my ponies, FAST.

Top 25 College Football Preview!

Get ready! Get fuckin horny! Call your bookies! Call your grass-man! It's time to get the fuckin ball rolling on the 2010 College Football season! Stay tuned for complete analysis of this year's PricksRus Top 25! It'll make your prick hard!

Breaking MLB News** - Stephen Strasburg**

Stephen Strasburg is heading to Costco right now, he's going to pick up some waters, while Mark Prior heads over to Whole Foods to pick up dinner! The Washington Nationals phenom will require Tommy John surgery after a Thursday MRI exam revealed a significant tear in his elbow. It's too bad the MRI didn't reveal the tear in his beanbag, because this prick is more brittle than Jamie Moyer's dick! These guys can't wait to cozy up and watch "Milk" in their bunkbeds!

Rodman's Got A Rocket In His Pocket!

In a recent impromptu interview, Dennis Rodman claimed to have slept with over 2,000 girls! Unbelievable! Rodman's behavior rivals that of Tiger Woods and Wilt Chamberlain, but I'm curious to know which one of them plowed the hottest seafood. I think it's a pretty tight race between Tiger and Rodman, simply because these guys liked testing the porn-star waters, and that's always a wise decision in my pop-up book. Good for Dennis, the guy is flat out horny! Since when is that a fuckin crime! Rodman enjoys cavorting around with the finest gals in the country! He gives them the old, "I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my prick, don't make me pull it out!" Stay horny, Dennis! Love the sluts, and the sluts will love you back!

Later Leinart!

Woah! I guess it didn't take too long for Ken Whisenhunt to pull the plug on Matt "Hot Tub" Leinart getting the starting gig. Two preseason games in, and Leinart finds himself behind another fuckin loser, Derek Anderson! If you're staring at Derek Anderson's rear-end, then I think it might be time to hang up the cleats, or at least go play for Jim Fassel and the Las Vegas Locomotives! It can't be that bad right! There comes a time when a player needs to pull his fuckin head out of his ass, and that moment is now for Matt Leinart. Then again, it sort of looks like Leinart is doing just fine! Keep up the good work, Matty!

FRI-DRE

Overalls? Check. Sunglasses in the club? Check. Partying with Dre? Check. Partying with skanky, ghetto, DNA receptacles? No check and no thanks. T Shots likes his women like his bread... White and open to having butter or jelly smeared on them.

Society's Worst

Good Morning Pledges,


Tommy Shots has returned from another fun filled jaunt to the Pacific Northwest and let me share a few memories with the class... First of all I caught the beginning of the Hills on my hotel television last night and although I had never seen the Hills I figured it couldn't be that bad. There was another reason, Tommy Shots was horny... Tommy wanted to see some Hills sluts and maybe even have a session of non-nude, cable TV inspired flag waving before I hit the sack. I have seen these girls on the world wide web and they are worthy of a spank, a tug, and maybe even a rub if I am feeling generous. Well after about five minutes of watching this shit I slowly removed the muzzle of the shotgun from my mouth and grabbed the controller, I changed the channel and spent the remainder of the night trying to feel heterosexual again. If I were President for a day my first Executive Order would be to raise a special forces unit similar to the S.S. in Nazi Germany to root out Hills fans and have them systematically killed. No torture, no imprisonment, no interrogation because God knows we don't need any information from these fucks... As for Spencer Pratt? Oh man, Spencer Pratt... Well to start with I want this guy to eventually die in some sort of an out of control fire. In a perfect world I would get to start the fire, watch it burn for a while, listen to him scream... And then slowly walk away satisfied before enjoying a victorious post game meal at Denny's.

Elin Who?

The ink on the divorce papers isn't even dry yet, but that hasn't kept Tiger Woods from coming out firing today at the Barclays. Horndog Woods finishes at -6, and he's sitting pretty atop the leaderboard all alone! If you're horny and you know it, clap your hands! If you're horny and you know it, clap your hands! If you're horny and you know it, and you really wanna show it, if you're horny and you know it, grab your prick! Banging Elin must be about as fun as watching a bucket of Sherwin Williams dry!

Morning Tush!

Kourtney Kardashian should be thanking her lucky stars she doesn't look like Khloe! Yikes! The best part of waking up is Kourtney in your cup! Absolutely gorgeous! Just looking at her makes my prick melt like butter over a hot bowl of Orville Redenbacher! I'd love for Kourtney to make me a nice breakfast right now in nothing but a see-through apron, while we listen to sports-talk radio in the kitchen. My order would most likely be this:

3 Eggs Overeasy

Rye Toast (On The Darker Side)

Crisp Bacon

Sausage (Well Done & Please Split It)

Oh yeah, and a glass of fresh clam juice! Serve it cold, and serve it on my FACE!

Loser Du Jour...

Plaxico "No Practico" Burress is a serious LOSER. We all know why this idiot is in the can, but this recent situation bothers me much more. The Giants signed Burress back in 2005, and this prick wanted the number 17, except that number belonged to Giants punter, Jeff "Fuck Off" Feagles. To make a short story shorter, Feagles and the former Spartan struck a deal! Burress would get No. 17 in exchange for having an outdoor kitchen built at Feagles's Arizona home. The problem? Burress, of course, never came through on his end of the fuckin deal! What a prick! What a loser! I bet this jagoff probably likes those loser lollipops they hand out at the fuckin bank or dentist! Those suck! What's this guy's problem? Honor the fuckin deal! Plaxico stole Feagles's number, so the punter even reached out to Plax's agent, Drew Rosenhaus, and Drew told Feagles that the issue is between him and Burress! It's unbelievable! Plaxico is the kind of guy who drills his dick into a bowl of mashed potatoes, and comes up asking where the gravy is!

Lucky LunchBox!

What's for lunch? Like the pimp says to his hoes, keep 'em coming!

Wake Up, Jimmy!

Will someone get Jim Furyk a fuckin alarm clock!!! Unbelievable! How the hell does this guy oversleep this morning, and miss his tee-time for the Barclays Pro-Am? Can someone please answer this for me? This is Furyk we're talking about, not John Daly! He's the #6 golfer in the world for Christ sakes! Now he's been disqualified from the first Fedex Cup Playoff event of the season, taking place in Ridgewood, NJ. So what happened? The power ran out on his mobile phone!!! Incredible! Furyk is like the prick who walks around with a Virginia ham under his arm, but goes around crying because he has no bread! Get a life, Jimmy! You're a big fuckin boy now! Put your pampers away, and wake the fuck up! What a disgrace! Who shows up to the tee-box with no shoes or belt on!? Somebody get Furyk a down power-line, and let him suck on it! That oughta wake him up!

Breaking News - Revis Signing***

Reports out of Pittsburgh, from KDAK radio, are saying Darrelle Revis has agreed to a 10-Year $150 Million contract, with $65 Million being guaranteed.

Revis-Jets Close To Deal?

Rumors, rumors, and more fuckin rumors are flying around about Jets disgruntled CB, Darrelle Revis. Tim "Needledick" Cowlishaw is trying to make bogus claims that Revis will make an appearance on "Hard Knocks" tonight, and that he'll sign on camera. This smells fishy to me, and I wouldn't be shocked if Cowlishaw was trying to be a fuckin hero by attempting to break the story. What an asshole! Where does this Dallas prick get the fuckin balls to make predictions about Revis and the Jets?

"Piranha 3D" Movie Review!

You can put it on the boarddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd....YES! What a fuckin flick!!! I was blown away by "Piranha 3D" last night! I'll tell ya, this film hit the nail on the fuckin head! The girls, music, setting, piranhas, dialogue, and storyline were all tremendous. The movie makes you want to go on Spring Break, and just get fuckin nuts! Don't take a fuckin Viagra before you strut into the theatre! Trust me! However, I must be fair, I can't be a jagoff, right? My only complaint was the length of the movie, because it was too fuckin short. I guess that's why I'm gonna have to give it 2.5 Pricks Up. This means I kinda have my kickstand halfway, but I kinda don't. I'm basically caught on the sidewalk, if you know what I mean. I'm riding my tricycle, but not at full speed. It reminds me of a time way back when, I'm pretty sure I was ten years old, and just a tall glass of Juicy Juice. I had just learned how to ride a bike without training wheels (took me awhile), and I had an unfortunate accident. I was riding along on this sidewalk, and there was a sign in the middle of it, so of course I couldn't decide which way I wanted to attack it. What did I do? I drove right into it, and scraped my knee pretty bad. Luckily this was near a stop sign, so there were a few cars lined up to see it! What a LOSER! That's neither here, nor there though, this is about "Piranha 3D." I highly recommend everyone go see it! Just thinking about it is giving me a hard-on! Hey! Who slipped a fuckin Cialis in my cereal!?!?! Look, ma, no hands!!!

Loser Du Jour

You know, I don't know why I hate Travolta so much. Seems like he is the type to have bad things to say about the blog... Not to mention he has been hiding in the gay closet for the last 30 years. Go film Broken Arrow and have another Mocha Latte you queer!

Breaking News: Manny Heading To The Southside!

Manny "Fat Fanny" Ramirez is leaving Tinsletown for the Windy City, and he plans on attending Uno's Happy Hour on a daily fuckin basis! Ozzie Guillen and Manny! And away we go!!!

Chowder Du Jour

In the first video edition of Chowder I want to take a second and recognize the original skank, Britney Spears. Please watch the video and see the analysis below.



Wow, if that doesn't get things moving... You must crave a deep homosexual relationship with another man. Now let me just say that if Tommy Shots was on that plane with her in that flight attendant outfit, she would be pulling the emergency exit and jumping because it would be better than staying on board with me. I would honestly be chasing her around giggling and grabbing like fucking Frankenstein, before turning violent and super aggressive. Congrats on the Chowder award Britney, I don't know why but the fact you are a drug addicted runaway makes me want you even more.

Tom Brady: "I Hate The Jets!"

Tom Brady has expressed his thoughts on the NY Jets, and he's clearly not afraid to ruffle any feathers. Gisele's boy-toy hates Gang Green, and he doesn't watch "Hard Knocks." Good for him, he should hate the fuckin Jets! What is this? Fuckin JV? Rex Ryan is like the prick back in 3rd grade who would rock the Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket at recess, even though he lived in fuckin Connecticut his entire life! Get a clue, Rex! That same kid would have Hi-C stains on the corners of his mouth for the rest of the fuckin day! Get a napkin, dickless! What are you waiting for!!! Wipe your face off! I hope Brady's comments spark things up between the Jets & Patriots this upcoming season, and I think Brady should take it even further! If I'm Tom Brady, then I'm simply gonna tell Rex and the Jets to kiss my fuckin ass, and call it a love story! Simple as that! Tell Rex to slam his prick in some leftover birthday cake! As long as he can find the fuckin thing!!! He's a member of the Dicky Do Club!!! His tummy sticks out more than his dickey does!

Tiger Needs a New Pride

Just like Simba after his evil Uncle Scar chases him off... Tiger Woods is now in search of a new family. Let me give Tiger a little professional advice. As my colleague has stated many times Tiger does two things well... He drills putts, and he drills sluts. I say Tiger goes back to his fundamentals and just becomes a complete sexual deviant and dominant golfer worldwide. We all make mistakes and Tiger is no different, his fatal flaw? He married a fucking maid, Jesper Parnivik's maid. What the fuck was that? Are you kidding me? The greatest golfer in the world marries some broad that changes diapers? Not going to work well for either party. I know some of you are wondering how I can say such things and how Tiger won't sleep at night because he is such a bad guy. Let me tell you something. You want to know how Tiger sleeps at night? He sleeps on piles of hundred dollar bills with a sticky dicky from some pornstar he just defiled... Doesn't sound that bad to this prick.

In fact, I want to welcome Tiger back to the single life musically... Hakuna Matata you horny little bastard!!!

College Football Top 25 Preview!

Stay tuned for our Top 25 College Football Preview beginning later this week, as we'll be breaking down the the Preseason AP Poll & all things College Football! Let's Geaux!!! Toss the pigskin around! Toss some salad around with a house vinaigrette! It's that time of year again!

Monday, Monday

I really wanted to do something special for the readers today so I trimmed up my mustache, threw on my best adidas workout shirt, and fired up the god damn karaoke machine. Enjoy, pledges.

Chowder Du Jour

Happy Fucking Monday,

Today's choice is Brooklyn Decker, supermodel, and whore extraordinaire. Tommy Shots doesn't even know what to do with Brooklyn but I can tell you this... It involves a well, a hose, lotion, and maybe even a moth... Just don't know if we will have time for all of it.

Loser Du Jour...

ESPN's Jay Mariotti deserved this award when he came out of his mom's box, but he took it to another level this weekend! The Chicago Sun-Times, and ESPN personality, was arrested on a domestic disturbance charge against his girlfriend in Los Angeles early Saturday morning. Shame on him, and shame on his gal pal! What broad would ever date Mariotti? They don't make them more brutal than this loser! This is nothing new for the pigs from ESPN, and they deserve all the negative publicity they get when you hire a gross slob like Jay Mariotti. He was being held on $50,000 bail, and now he's hanging out with John Schnatter.

Welcome Back, Brett!

Brett Favre made his expected return to the NFL last night, when he suited up for the Vikings second preseason tilt, versus the fudge-packers from San Francisco. Patrick Willis and company made sure to say hello to the diva in Wranglers, by sacking his ass pretty hard in the first quarter. If I was on the 49er's defense last night, then I'd make sure to stick my elbow down Favre's throat at some point or another. His act has grown tiresome, and it makes me sick in the prick that I'm actually wasting my time on this jagoff. He's the kinda prick on the street who's face you just wanna punch inside-out, you know what I'm saying? He's the kind of guy that you sneaky hope he sits on a skewer! Leave it on the doorstep, and get the get hell outta here, Brett! 1, 2, .....10!!!!! Stay in Hattiesburg, ya filthy animal!

ONE DRUNK IS DONE

One down, about twenty to go. My dream of seeing Jim Hendry crucified on the old school Wrigley scoreboard is still alive and well... Although I hate how easy Lou is getting off, retirement is NOT a fitting punishment for what is going on in the Cubs organization. I am ready for the game today and if Tommy Shots were the new manager, my speech would be something like the clip below.

Breaking News: Sweet Lou To Retire Today...

Cubs manager, Lou Piniella, will retire after today's game versus the Atlanta Braves. The game is at Wrigley Field, and let's hope the Cubbies can send Sweet Lou out with a W.

Weekend Chowder!

How about a bread-bowl of Destiny Monique this weekend? This brunette is clearly stacked, and she enjoys a hot lobster bisque prior to her entree. How could anyone say no to that fanny? Who wouldn't want to dip their ladle in that twatpot? Soups on!