Tiger Needs a New Pride

Just like Simba after his evil Uncle Scar chases him off... Tiger Woods is now in search of a new family. Let me give Tiger a little professional advice. As my colleague has stated many times Tiger does two things well... He drills putts, and he drills sluts. I say Tiger goes back to his fundamentals and just becomes a complete sexual deviant and dominant golfer worldwide. We all make mistakes and Tiger is no different, his fatal flaw? He married a fucking maid, Jesper Parnivik's maid. What the fuck was that? Are you kidding me? The greatest golfer in the world marries some broad that changes diapers? Not going to work well for either party. I know some of you are wondering how I can say such things and how Tiger won't sleep at night because he is such a bad guy. Let me tell you something. You want to know how Tiger sleeps at night? He sleeps on piles of hundred dollar bills with a sticky dicky from some pornstar he just defiled... Doesn't sound that bad to this prick.

In fact, I want to welcome Tiger back to the single life musically... Hakuna Matata you horny little bastard!!!

Please Tiger, Do It... Yeah, That's It!!!

Wow, if only we could see what is going on down south in this photo... Probably an awesome pair of Nike slacks, or some b-list skank who can't get enough black snake. Okay, back to business. Ten years ago I cheered against Tiger, I was always a David Duval guy, I now admit that was a mistake but back in the day Duval had serious game and serious shades appealing to any confused fourteen year old. For anyone who plays golf on a consistent basis with married guys their favorite topic of conversation tends to be poking, and the lack of it in their lives... Not Tiger. Tiger got laid bi-daily during his marriage and he fucked everything: black, white, brown, yellow, reddish fake tan, blond, brunette, red head, one leg, three arms, c-section scars, on the rag, off the rag, yeast infections, in Asia, in Australia, his neighbors daughter, anything with a fucking heartbeat. If you played golf with this married guy and he started telling stories you would need a break at 9 to head into the club house for a little flag waving session before the backside. Tiger seems to be our kinda prick!!! Here is what I want from Tiger this weekend. Tiger tees off in just under an hour from right now... I want greatness, I mean greatness. Give me two 65's and a smug little "I nailed your sister" grin. Then when the last putt drops on the picturesque 18th at Pebble I want Tiger to fuck the hole. I am not talking on the scorecard, I want him to casually remove his clothes and sit down on the green, take a few minutes to warm up and then I literally want him to have sexual intercourse with the fucking hole in the green. Maybe a quick swim in the Pacific and then off to do the interviews. Tiger Woods 2010 US Open champion... Please Tiger, we need it.