Fresh Saturday College Football LOX - 11/13/10!

Good morning on a gorgeous fuckin Saturday in the Tristate area, who's ready for a big fuckin day of College Football!?! I know I am! I'm not going to the spa today, I'm not getting a carwash, or pulling my fuckin prick to Audrey Bitoni all day long! I'm gonna post the fuck up, drill some Zimas, bake some brownies, and make some easy fuckin money!!! You know why? I want winners! That's right, folks, I'm guaranteeing a 6-0 record today! I swear on my fuckin prick that you will be a happy fuckin camper come later on tonight! My fresh Nova Scotia Lox are a very mediocre 21-25-2 on the year, but all that changes today! Go get your bagels, and throw 'em in the toaster! Grow some balls that are bigger than the capers on my LOX, and place your fuckin bets! Look, ma, no hands!!! It's time for some motherfuckin FRESH NOVA SCOTIA LOX!!!

Saturday 11/13/10 (Home team in CAPS):

RUTGERS (+2.5) Vs. Syracuse. Rutgers - La La La La La La LOCK IT UP!

Boston College (-3.5) @ DUKE. Boston College - La La La La La La LOCK IT UP!

Michigan (-13) @ PURDUE. Michigan - La La La La La La LOCK IT UP!

FLORIDA Vs. South Carolina (+6.5). South Carolina - La La La La La La LOCK IT UP!

Oregon (-19.5) @ CALIFORNIA. Oregon - La La La La La La LOCK IT UP!

USC @ ARIZONA (-4.5). Arizona - La La La La La La LOCK IT UP!

*America's Line

Fresh Nova Scotia LOX - 10/2/10!!!

Wake up! It's time to get ready for a fuckin fun-filled-football Saturday! If you didn't know me, then you'd think I had a fuckin giraffe between my legs, because I'm about as happy and horny as you can fuckin get right now! Call Paul Blart, baby! Someone needs to put this fuckin prick in the can, and throw away the key!!! I'm like a caged animal on Saturday mornings!!! Dustin Hoffman better get here soon, or else this prick will spread like poison fuckin ivy on your magic fuckin johnson!!!! Who's hungry!?!?! Who's fuckin horny!?!?!?! Who wants to make some Pillsbury fuckin DOUGHBOY!!!!! Now let's get down to fuckin business, and head over to the deli. I'm going to get a baker's fuckin dozen of egg bagels, because only losers eat those fuckin things! I don't deserve a normal bagel, I don't deserve a fuckin onion or a sesame seed after my performance last week! Only egg bagels for this fuckin prick! Find your capers! Slice the red onion! Spread the Philadelphia, and lay down the fuckin fish!!! It's time for some FRESH FUCKIN STICK YOUR PRICK IN THE GROUND LIKE AN EMBARRASSED OSTRICH NOVA SCOTIA LOX!!!!

Saturday - 10/2/10

Wisconsin (-2) @ MICHIGAN STATE. Wisconsin - BOOK IT!

Michigan (-10) @ INDIANA. Michigan - BOOK IT!

Virginia Tech @ NC STATE (+3.5). NC State - BOOK IT!

ALABAMA (-8) Vs. Florida. Alabama - BOOK IT!

LSU (-16.5) Vs. Tennessee. LSU - BOOK IT!

Stanford (+7) @ OREGON. Stanford - BOOK IT!

CLEMSON (+3) Vs. Miami - FL. Clemson - BOOK IT!

IOWA (-7) Vs. Penn State. Iowa - BOOK IT!

Nevada @ UNLV (+20.5). UNLV - BOOK IT!* (Best Bet)

Fresh Nova Scotia Saturday CFB LOX - 9/25/10!!!

Good morning, folks, I hope you brought your fuckin appetite today! I'm more hungry and horny than Fat Fuckin Bastard! It's a big Saturday in the world of college football, so prepare for a day full of Silver Bullets and Green Grass! Prepare for some midday hookers! Prepare to get fuckin blown away worse than Tommy Lee Jones! Uncle PMAC is 5-2-1 in his last eight picks, and we're only going up from here, baby! We're on a fuckin escalator to the biggest bank in the world, the PIGGY BANK!!! Fuck the plain bagels today! Seriously, lube up your Premio with some margarine, and slam it in! I just bought a fresh fuckin batch of onion bagels, because the bookies will be crying all the way home following this fuckin week! Get the red onion, find the capers, grab the spread, and let's go to town ala Ben Affleck on these mothafuckin, cocksuckin, FRESH NOVA SCOTIA LOX!!!

Saturday 9/25/10

Virginia Tech (-4) @ BOSTON COLLEGE. The Prick Is Virginia Tech!

PENN STATE Vs. Temple (+14). The Prick Is Temple!

ARKANSAS Vs. Alabama (-7). The Prick Is Alabama!

South Carolina (+3) @ AUBURN. The Prick Is South Carolina!

Georgia @ MISSISSIPPI STATE (PK). The Prick Is Georgia!* (Best Bet)

Fresno State (+2.5) @ MISSISSIPPI. The Prick Is Fresno State!

Oregon (-11.5) @ ARIZONA STATE. The Prick Is Arizona State!

Let The Games Begin! JUICE!!!

Fresh Nova Scotia Saturday CFB LOX - 9/18/10!!!

He's baaaaaacccckkkkkkkkk!!!! I'm fuckin starving, folks! You know that game Hungry Hippo? They named that after my fuckin prick! H-Squared! Hungry and Horny! Who needs Jack "Jerkoff" Bauer, when you have Uncle PMAC!?!?! I like my service the way I like my women, FAST! It doesn't take Dr. House to know what time of the week it is, folks! Who's ready? Who's favorite meal is breakfast?! Who's favorite fuckin color is green?!?! Who loves trips to Vegas!?! Call your bookie! Buy your bagels! Find your capers! Lather up your prick with a spicy horseradish, and make it hot! Who is ready for some cocksuckin mothafuckin, stick your fuckin dick in the ground, and say I Do, FRESH FUCKIN NOVA SCOTIA LOXXXXXXXX?!?!?!?! Away we go....

Saturday 9/18/10

Alabama (-24) @ DUKE. The Prick Is Alabama...

Florida (-14) @ TENNESSEE. The Prick Is Tennessee...

Iowa @ ARIZONA (+1.5). The Prick Is Arizona...

BYU @ FLORIDA STATE (-10). The Prick Is Florida State...

Arizona State (+14) @ WISCONSIN. The Prick Is Wisconsin...

Arkansas (+2.5) @ GEORGIA. The Prick Is Arkansas...* (Best Bet)

Connecticut (-6.5) @ TEMPLE. The Prick Is Connecticut...

Please Note I Use "America's Line."**

Fresh Nova Scotia Saturday CFB LOX!

Bingo!!!!! It's that time of the year again, folks! Who's hungry!?! Who's horny!?! I know I am! Thursday night was just the tip of my titanic dick, and tomorrow is the entree! Tomorrow is when winners are picked, and losers get clipped! I don't give a fuck! I'll stick my fuckin elbow down your throat, snowplow your mother, and call it a romance! Gimme a break already! Enough is enough! Fuck Hurricane Earl, more like Hurricane Vagina if you ask me! This is the fuckin northeast, not the Flemish Fuckin Cap! How about them Miami Hurricanes, bitch! I'm in MIAMI BITCH!!! They pounded FAMU, similar to the way I pound Jagermeister for fuckin breakfast, while I use a page out of the NY Post for my napkin! How about those fuckin Utah Utes making Dave Wannstedt sit on it last night! Most of all, HOW ABOUT 'DEM GAMECOCKS!!!! The Garnet & Black finally came out hot in a season opener, and beat up on a team they were supposed to beat up on.

Alright, let's cut the rah-rah shit, and put our fuckin pom-poms away! FUCK all that horse-whisperin' shit!!!!!! Here's what you do:

1) Go to your local deli, and call your bookie on the way.

2) Purchase 1/2 dozen bagels, I don't give a fuck what kind you get, just no Pumpernickel.

3) Buy a spread, but not just any spread. I don't want the butter for my beanbag, and I don't want the jelly for my joystick. I want one thing, and one fuckin thing only. FRESH FUCKIN NOVA FUCKIN SCOTIA LOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!! Get the capers! Get the onions! Get the cream cheese! Get the finest fuckin freshest fuckin Nova Scotia LOX you can buy, and let's make that money!!! Here are six games that Uncle PMAC advises you.......BOOK IT!

Saturday 9/4 LOX (Home Teams In CAPS):

Connecticut (+2.5) @ MICHIGAN. The Prick Is Connecticut!

FRESNO ST. (-2.5) Vs. Cincinnati. The Prick Is Fresno St!

Missouri (-12) Vs. Illinois In St. Louis,MO. The Prick Is Missouri!

Kentucky @ LOUISVILLE (+3). The Prick Is Louisville!

Wisconsin (-20.5) @ UNLV. The Prick Is UNLV!

LSU (-6.5) Vs. North Carolina In Atlanta,GA. The Prick Is LSU!

(*Please Note, I Go By America's Line.*)