Cocksucker Crawls To Miami...

Knock Knock...Who's There? Delonte....Delonte who? Delonte's moving in now that fagboy packed up and moved south!!!! Yes, folks, Lebron James showed he's the ultimate fuckin loser last night by making his decision to take his diva act to South Beach and play for the Miami Heat. The queen will play second fiddle to Dwayne Wade, and stick his tongue up Lizard Bosh's ashy fanny for the next seven fuckin years. This guy is an immature piece of trash, and a dogshit fuckin leader! Get ready for the Heat to be on national television non-fuckin-stop too, so I hope you're all ready for a constant game of circle-jerk, because I'm sure not. Lebron looked like a giant fuckin clit last night sitting in that chair speaking with Jim Gray, what a dog and fuckin pony show the whole thing was! Those kids in the background should have been throwing rotten tomatoes at the both of them when he announced he was going to Miami! Stay in Cleveland! Go to Chicago! Go to New York City! Be a big fish in a big pond! Lebron showed his true colors last night! His favorite ice cream flavor is Rainbow Sherbert!

Miami? Miami might be the worst fuckin sports town in America! The fans don't even sellout playoff games down there! It doesn't matter if the fuckin Marlins are in the World Series, the fans still don't show up! Heat games? Give me a break! What fuckin Heat fan do you know? Have you ever heard anyone say, 'Wow, those Heat fans are relentless!' The answer is NO! Lebron comes off as the biggest follower in the world here! What kind of faggot invites Chris Bosh to his party, and Bosh says, 'Ha, you're house sucks, and so does your beer, I'm going to Miami,' and then Lebron says, 'Yeah, you're right Chris, I'll go to your party instead!' Who does that! A fuckin fraud does that! A loser does that! The only mountain this trio is climbing is of the brokeback variety! I rather hang out with Jared Fogle than Lebron James! I rather dip my prick in Deepwater Horizon than spend one fuckin minute with these fuckin helmets. Take on a challenge! Take on the NY Knicks! Play in Madison Square Garden under the brightest lights in the world! Play in Chicago! Get a statue next to Jordan's! Stay in Cleveland and be a fuckin hometown legend! This guy is Alicia Silverstone co-starring Stacey Dash - CLUELESS!!! I got your Vitamin Water right here, Lebron...My dog was thirsty this morning!

Gay-Man's Choir!

The threesome of Lebron James, Chris Bosh, & Dwayne Wade will all join forces down in South Beach. What a bunch of losers, these guys make us more sick than Buzz McCallister is after he eats too many slices of cheese pizza. I wouldn't let these fags sleep in my room if they were growing on my ass!

Heat Fans Thrilled!

The possibility of Lefag James joining Loser Bosh and Bandaid Wade has Heat fans jumping for joy on South Beach! This trio might be the worst human beings on the planet, the ultimate fuckin circle-jerk losers. Talk about a bunch of twats, huh? Where's the competitive spirit? Where's the desire to create your own legacy? Michael Jordan never asked for a bunch of fuckin help, he did it on his own! The Bulls were his team! Chicago was his city! There wasn't any ESPN announcements, or gay dinners with Patrick Ewing or Karl Malone. Wade, Bosh, & Lebron should be ashamed of themselves, fuckin losers. I hope they have fun playing in front of Lance and Joey for the next five years.

Breaking News On Lebron Announcement***

According to our inside sources, Lebron's televised announcement will take place in Greenwich, CT, an affluent suberb of New York City. Greenwich, CT is home to many athletes such as Allan Houston and Mark Teixiera, and the town is also very close to the NY Knicks practice facility. ESPN will have Jim Gray conduct the interview, so how great would it be if Jim's first question was, 'Lebron, did Pete Rose bet on baseball?'

Free Agency Chutzpah!

Rumors are flying all over the fuckin place this morning, as there are reports of Chris "Lizard" Bosh and Dwayne "Bandaid" Wade teaming up for a game of grab-ass in Miami for years to come. I've been saying it since day one, I don't think there is any way Lebron plays alongside Wade in Miami. Chicago? That could be possible, but not Miami. South Beach is Wade's town, and it would be like A-Rod going to the Bronx to join Jeter and Co. Jeter is the captain, it's his team, it's his town. Loser Bosh finally got his head out of his fanny, and made a smart decision in not wanting to play in Cleveland!!! That's a pretty big slap in the face to the already shitty city. Let's not kid ourselves here, whenever you see a game nationally televised in Cleveland, the only cocksuckin fuckin outdoor aerial shots you get are of the Rock 'N Roll Hall Of Fame! WHO FUCKIN CARES??? I have a bigger skyline in my pants! My theory is that Lebron has really wanted to play with a big man this whole time, because he dominates the ball anyway. Mike D'Antoni turned Steve Nash into a 2-Time MVP, imagine what he could do with Lebron? That being said, Luke Ridnour and Raymond Felton are high on the Knicks wish list. Seriously though, they have been staying at Chris Simms's place! Carlos Boozer and Lebron had a falling out when Boozer left Cleveland years ago, and the NY Knicks have signed Amar'e Stoudamire. Something is brewing, and Joe Jerkoff will let the world know tomorrow night on ESPN.

How about Darko Milicic getting a 4-YR deal worth $20 Million from the Timberwolves?!?! What the fuck are these guys fuckin thinking? Four more years of Darko in the NBA? I rather watch "Avatar!" What about Chris Duhon? Four years and $15 Million from the Orlando Magic!!! WOW! This loser couldn't make a shot for a fuckin month! Ari Gold must be this guy's fuckin agent! Gimme a break! Enough is enough! I've had it with these cocksuckin teams in this cocksuckin league!!! Vinny Del Negro is heading to the Clippers! Why? Vinny Del Negro is about as cool as a Klondike Bar commercial! He sucks more prick than Carmella Bing! It's a big Wednesday, so stay tuned!

Pierce Resigns With Celtics!

The word out of Beantown is that Paul Pierce has re-upped with the Celtics at 4 years for $61 Million. The Paperclips offered Pierce the MAX, but he spurned his hometown team, and will remain in Boston. The Celtics had no other choice but to retain Pierce, especially with it looking more and more likely that Ray Allen will bolt town faster than you can say clit. Pierce is a fuckin loser in my opinion, the guy reminds me of Lester Diamond from "Casino."

Joe "I Have No" Johnson Staying In Atlanta!

The Hawks have offered Johnson the MAX $120 Million over 6 years!!! Woahhhhhhhhhhhh! That's a low price!!!! Joey couldn't shoot his way out of a wet paper bag in the postseason, and he also loves to dribble with his head down! Johnson is nowhere near being worth a maximum contract, and belongs in the second tier of NBA Free Agents.